This Journey: Christmas

Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts

Friday, December 16, 2016

Christmas and an Upcoming Surprise

Christmas brings the ultimate Gift, Jesus Christ, Saviour of the world. And, we get to have His Spirit reside in us. Are you kidding me? The Creator of the universe allows this? Desires it even? Flabbergasting.

He knew that while we lived in a fallen world full of twists and turns, sickness and death that we'd desperately need His Spirit to guide us and comfort us and to reveal answers to our questions and our longings. Our hearts ache to spend much more time with our little Ashanti, but the Lord knows what His good and perfect will is, so we trust Him and thank Him for the moments we do get to have her. One day He'll ultimately rescue us, and we'll all be together in eternity, but for now, we can experience communion with Him if we seek Him wholeheartedly. Gratitude.

In the meantime, His kingdom on earth continues to flourish, and we are blessed to be a part of serving others on this homeward journey. Friendship Club has been a big part of our lives for about fourteen years, and our developmentally disabled friends teach us weekly what it means to honour God. They simply trust, simply love, simply grow, and simply believe. When we are weary of preparing, attending, and just doing our schedule, we always drive away from there a little humbler, and full of a little more joy.

Growing God's kingdom is never lacking in work, and therefore, neither are the astounding opportunities that result. I received a call that there was a pregnant girl who was in need of a family to support her. She is twenty years old, a full-time student and already has a one year-old. She is a Muslim and has lost family ties because of her choice not to abort her children. Enter: the baby-loving Vanderkruks. God knows :) This little girl is due the first week in January, and we have promised to partner with this sweet, responsible momma when her baby arrives. Only the Lord knows the details of how it will all transpire, but while we wait, we enjoy dinners with Momma and babysitting darling big sister. What an exciting surprise from God in the midst of the heartache!

Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift.

2 Corinthians 9:15

Sunday, December 20, 2015

Baby Jesus Is Missing

It was silly of me to only wear a raincoat with the temperature near freezing, but the laughter between Molly and I kept me warm as we scurried from store to store. We pulled up to our final destination of the evening--a thrift store--and hoped to find a little table for her room in this last place. We giggled about our shopping adventure thus far: how the lady at Michaels placed her tiny Yorkshire terrier on the floor for us to see and he took off on her and we watched her chase him around the store. We laughed at how we kept bumping into people we knew. We counted them up, even the old childhood friend of mine, and they numbered seven--in two hours. We remembered the man in Walmart who scared us at first with all his chatter, but we realized that he was merely bumbling in sharing his Christian faith. And, Molly made fun of the way the photo machine worked every time she touched it, but my fingers tapping the screen paused it every time. However, the thing that left us in stitches was our second-hand store incident centred around a Christmas decoration.

On our way to the furniture section, a lovely nativity set in a basket caught my eye. We own about five sets since I like to make our home decorated in the real reason for the season, plus, I always wanted the kids to play with the scene without worry of them breaking my delicate ones. I called my daughter over to enjoy this amazing find with me--and at the low price of $6.99! I held up each hand painted ceramic figure and admired. It was so unique! The little donkey had a small shepherd hiding behind him and the camels looked real. I loved it. Suddenly, a woman moved in close behind me and exclaimed, "Oh that's beautiful!" in a thick accent. She nearly hung over my shoulder and continued commenting about the treasure, clearly desiring it. I smiled and agreed, then she walked off.

As I gently moved each piece around, I noticed that Mary and Joseph and Baby Jesus were missing. "Aw, too bad. The most important ones aren't here." I mumbled to Molly that I now knew why it was that cheap. I returned the basket to the shelf and the woman stepped up to us again. I told her there were missing pieces, which she didn't seem to mind. She went to lift a wise man and I informed her that the most important person was absent from the group. Just then, she understood. She also replaced it and walked away.

A few minutes later, we heard a man with the same accent calling to his wife that he'd found a nativity set. By now, she was a little ways from him. She tried to tell him she'd already seen it. He called to her again assuring her she'd like it. Molly and I just looked at each other and began to chuckle as they comically yelled back and forth about the illusory gem. Finally, the woman declared across the drapery rack, "The Baby Jesus is missing! That's the most important piece!"

I had spoken the very same words to her but it was her declaration that struck me: if the Baby Jesus is missing, what's the point? All the fun, fury and fellowship of Christmas is nothing without the connection to the One who made the season real in the first place. No wonder there are stresses, obligations, debt and depression in December. If we could remove all the traditions, all the shopping, all the commercialism, and bring it back to the manger, there would be so much more peace in our hearts. Not that there's anything wrong with celebrating this beautiful holiday, but Jesus can't be removed or we've lost the Origin of all Love. Without Him, we are only play-acting at this holiday thing. I encourage you to "find" the Baby this Christmas. Make Him the centre and see how much clearer the world becomes.

Some are broken from much kid-use :)

Some are in stables they did not originate from when I bought them.

Almost all are gifts or second-hand.

The kids like to mix and match :)

I came home to one set on the back of the toilet. Someone wanted to make every room special :)

I like the ones that actually look like the area of the world they are from.

He teaches her.

She finds all the Baby Jesus figures.

She claps at the fun of it all :)

Learning the story at three years old will always help her to know when Jesus is missing.

Saturday, December 12, 2015

The Altar of Bereavement

A thin veil hangs between Earth and Glory, where Everleigh now resides, and we as humans just don't know what to do in that space. The church sanctuary is just that--a solemn, safe place for mourners to gush and share in a way people can only do when heaven is that palpable. So we weep and ask questions, hug one another, beg God for His comfort and promise to hold our babies longer, love them better. It's holy ground, where families long separated sit side by side, forgiveness in their embraces, tear-filled eyes smiling understanding. Somewhere in the deep chasm of loss, love and healing emanate potential light. Eulogies are given and behind words of anguish and anger, is a thread of hope that somehow there's a reason for the seeming insanity of baby death.

Rick (Grandpa) reads Everleigh's favourite bedtime story, as he would each night, but this time to us, the assembly of fellow grievers. As he turns each page and asks, "Is that my panda?" sobs fill his voice and he gazes at the tiny casket and closes with, "Goodnight, Monkey." Karen (Grandma) eloquently and honestly lists the ways this small person has transposed her from a private person to one who is open and enraptured with life as she views it through the eyes of a near-toddler. No one doubts the unconditional love for this little being. Heather, her young mother, is calm and lovely and speaks with a desire for all of us to know her daughter more. She holds the hand of Everleigh's daddy, Andrew, as he cries into the microphone how he loved his girl. His mom and sisters encircle each other and express their hearts too in a cascade of sadness and tenderness for their lost baby. So much pain, adoration and hope, all mingling at the altar of bereavement.

Then, love-brimming, sorrow-filled pallbearers lift the wee box that holds only the pretty shell of little Everleigh, knowing her soul is long gone, healed and free. Still, as they walk, the aching human heart can barely grasp that truth. Jesus Loves Me plays while the procession carries her out of that Holy Place. But the song is really for us, because we're left behind and so very much need to feel that, in the middle of all of this, Jesus loves us, that His plan still proceeds and that this terrible thing isn't unseen by Him. We need to know He hears the cry of His people and rushes to comfort. We need to feel His Spirit after we've left the Holy Place and we're floundering for answers and are tormented by heartache. We need to move on and choose joy when it seems right to remain broken--for her.

The days will march on and my loved ones who held that giggling bundle with each rising and setting sun will clasp emptiness for awhile. It will take their breath away at times. Grief hurts. But Jesus was not unacquainted with sorrow and He will tangibly offer solace if we enter the Holy Place that becomes portable as we whisper-cry His name. And, one day, just as that precious baby girl sees Him face to face, we will too. Then we will know and understand what we couldn't possibly have comprehended in this earthly life. But for now, when sweeping answers won't suffice, it will only be the experience of real heart-mending Love that will be desperately sought. Love for Everleigh embodied every word and every song in the sanctuary. It was present because of the Love that was given at this very time of year. That Love now holds us close in our deepest mourning and helps us to enfold each other to restore joy once again.

all of us wearing purple clothing or tiny purple bows in honour and memory of Everleigh

balloons and beautiful large photos filled the sanctuary

Saturday, December 27, 2014

Keep Calm, Eh?

December looked a little like this photo for me. I so desired to blog and catch up on recording our lives (it's a place I like to dump at the end of a day). But, alas, the busyness did get the better of me. The Lord and I have had some talks lately about how I let the Christmas season sweep away my joy for awhile. I ached for the Truth to flood our holiday time, for quiet Advent readings and children who willingly set aside their bickering and offered to lovingly pack the Christmas boxes for kids in need. When that wasn't happening perfectly, when the rehearsals and obligations and shopping robbed our time, I begged God to fast forward me to January. Sound negative? I'm ashamed to admit I didn't learn from last year and my attitude was often less than festive... less than godly. In reality, the Truth could have calmed my spirit and changed the atmosphere of my heart and home. I didn't allow it. I preferred the inner tantrum and complaining. It felt good to rant now and then. Kind of good. Not really.

Oh, but there were some glorious moments, like the laughter at the in-laws' dinner, the warmth of an open invitation for anyone to come to my mom's, the precious tiny person entrusted to us who relentlessly causes us to evaluate ourselves--and giggle hysterically. I aim to add the photos of some of those gifted moments below, but, I want to be clear to myself and to any reader, that our amazing Jesus, who came as a baby, lived, loved, healed, died and rose again for our eternal life is more than able to redeem lost Christmases. He alone can wipe away the icky humbug feeling and draw us again to His perfect peace.

I bought my Canadian friend, who lives in the U.S., a candle with the label, "Keep Calm, Eh?" She loved it since she's sprinkling her cottage in Canadian décor. It certainly made me think how simple the message truly is for the Believer: keep calm! Jesus offers peace to those who sit and ask and receive it without running off and absorbing all the demands and negativity and then wondering why He hasn't delivered. I'm stopping the crazy now and resting in Him. A little late for Christmas, but never too late for my life.

Gratitude (because thankfulness always results in joy):

1686. for nativity reminders like this camel and other animals at our nursery during the Christmas season

1687. for toddlers who are learning to share

1688. the way she loves the last of our Barbies

1689. the pancake audience

1690. for first snowballs

1691. finding lost items :)

1692. when the weather report says it'll all be gone tomorrow... we must build!

1693. for this book's inspiration

1694. the way she walks and walks, to keep up her strength, even if it hurts

1695. glorious snow!

1696. how she tries on every outfit, costume, tu-tu we own

1697. squeezing into one chair together

1698. impromptu selfies--constantly around here :)

1699. making winter memories for this tiny being

1700. weekly library visits

1701. how she thought I needed a new tea mug and took it into her own hands :)

1702. actually attaining that biggest of icicles

1703. new Sunday dress and her saying, "Oh! Tangtoo!" (thank you)

1704. bringing home other people's kids nearly every Sunday after church

1705. how she thinks she's so hysterically funny--she's right!

1706. giving her every little moment my own children enjoyed

1707. various ways for keeping little hands busy

1708. slumber parties with cousins

1709. the way they lovingly care for her and give me a break

1710. swimming lessons for homeschoolers during the day (Oliver's level using vests for rescue practice)

1711. how he takes pleasure in calming her with a bedtime story

1712. visit with Julie to growing Ali and her new little brother, Jonathan

1713. reunions with Mommy

1714. dinner out with my oldest girls

1715. how these three play hard, cry hard and love deeply

1716. how she loves to carry this little "sister" everywhere

1717. peeking at big sister's dance class through the window and how she tries to copy what she's seen

1718. smiles simply due to mutual love

1719. going many more times around when no one's there because you're the owner's son :)

1720. how she's waited for this moment since riding in the summer

1721. yelling to our girls as they happily jumped and danced in the parade for two hours

1722. how she found him--when I had no intention of finding him--and leaped into his arms

1723. how I returned to this after taking a break from looking for that perfect item

1724. the way we snuggle more when we're all sick (and that face behind)

1725. dropping her off for the youth retreat and how excited she was

1726. for future staff :)

1727. for great youtube videos in dealing with this crazy, beautiful hair

1728. for this concert that made it feel a little bit like Christmas

1728. how he fell off the couch and stayed asleep

1730. the way she delicately placed the ornaments rather than the usual toddler way

1731. finally getting the tree up (later than usual)

1732. attending her short film premiere downtown

1733. another year of the great-aunts' and uncles' reading The Night Before Christmas and signing their name to the inside cover

1734. finding pics like this one on my phone

1735. Meg's guy friends from church and their respectful, helpful, worshipful qualities

1736. Meg's girlfriends from church and their fun-loving, loyal, encouraging qualities

1737. how he still wraps up homemade things and how she's still excited to receive them

1738. windy December walks

1739. how this one is growing up quickly after a lovely late blooming time (both gifts)

1740. building together

1741. how he brought home gifts for all of us after his trip

1742. and how she carried hers around for a long time and shoved everything she could fit in there

1743. yearly photo holding stockings knit by Great-Mama

1744. soon-to-be sisters-in-law and how our nephew proposed by her dad's grave, recording him asking for her hand (all of us in tears during the story)