Eleventeen and Other Endangered Things

We're trying not to burst with laughter as she obliges and repeats her counting. "Nine, ten, eleventeen..." It's her littleness that captures us every time. Even Oliver is giggling at Ashanti's mistakes while his juvenility was the one we were enamoured with only a few months before. (He'd rushed into the house exclaiming that I needed to get outside right away because Emily would become an endangered species if I didn't hurry! Apparently she was stuck in a tree and with all the learning we'd done about African animals, that terminology was the first thing that came to his mind concerning her safety.) Ashanti has returned to "one, two, three..." She finds more satisfaction in our amusement than the actual correctness of her task. Performance driven? Yes, she fits in quite well at our family dinner-table-stage. We drink in the sweet counting errors again with this entertaining, newly-turned-three year-old.

But, these days, as I tuck a little one in for afternoon naps, I also find myself in the passenger's seat while my oldest drives around town. I am the recipient of profound and wondrous gifts and it humbles me when I take a moment to dwell on it all. The famous and transitory "eleventeen" passed through each of our children's lips at one time or another but it's also this fragment in the puzzle of life at home for Meghan that is endangered. She reminds us with a smile that her time here is short before she's off in the big world, conquering dreams and living out God's purposes. We nod and smile back and refuse to pause too long on that subject. But I must pause. I must wrangle every memory and every prayer before five children at home becomes four and our present is extinguished like a flame. Littleness, bigness--it's all endangered because time is fleeting.

Gratitude is my heartbeat but I seek God to rescue my sometimes misaligned attitude and words. What is most important in this small window of my life? Am I modeling Jesus to my children?  Thankfully, as He redeems me, I'm able to truly live like I love Him, which cages vulnerable times that might otherwise become threatened. No regrets is likely an impossible hope but redeemed moments are a promise from the One who gave the profound and wondrous gifts in the first place. And as this present era moves into a new and exciting epoch, I will praise Jesus for the opportunity to have joined Him in raising a few precious members of this generation.

Party Of Six

It's a wonderful number. It gets us the big table in a restaurant, two kids each when we drive separately, perfectly suited to half a dozen of anything. But then... there's that squishing into a hotel room, who gets to go with Daddy here or with Mommy there. Then there's the comments from people in the grocery store, with just a hint of judgment: "My, my, you've got your hands full!" or "Is this your daycare?"

Well, yes, but I don't get paid :)

More often than not, though, passersby marvel at our small crew and respond with amusement. Not that it matters. You see, the more children you have and the more you are together, the easier it all seems. Not that our days go by without a hitch, quite the contrary! We're still sorting out whether our latest disciplinary action took effect, or if we should have allowed that movie, or when is the "right" time to talk about how babies are made. It's a journey and sometimes a tough one, but the ride is so worth it! I praise God for each of our little people who teach us daily about who God is, about who we could be if we trusted enough to let Him handle things, about the fact that these small individuals are on loan to us and we'd better take it all seriously. 

Tonight I was repairing one of my children's toys and she was begging me to watch her dance. Without turning toward her, I impatiently retorted, "Can't you see I'm fixing something for you?", like she needed to be thanking me and not be selfish enough to ask anything more of me. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit gave me that little tug, as He often does, and I swung around to catch my girl in a beautifully awkward somersault... and I cheered for her... just in time to not close down a small piece of her heart. I'm learning. 

So, even though we fail, we're pretty thankful that God, in His mercy, allows us to keep these kiddos. He never condemns, only corrects. When I feel guilt over my parenting, I know it's not from Him. It's a miracle that we get to wake up and do it all over again... perhaps even a little better today, with His strength.

 And as for me and this party of six, we will serve the Lord (Joshua 24:15--paraphrased :)

  

Note To Self: Don't Blink

The scent of the newly-born head, the ripples that furrow up the back of the neck, the tight little finger grasp... they disappear.
The pitter-patter of jammied feet, the chubby fingers grasping for Cheerios, the sleepy-headed hair-nest... are slipping by at light-speed.

The backwards "e", the "swing-me-one-more-time", the left shoe proudly strapped to the right foot, donning a super-hero cape in the grocery store... these are drifting out of sight.

The begging, "Watch this, Mommy!", the long-awaited-two-handed-piano song, the still-kiss-it-better, the blanket forts and playing house... are fleeting quickly.

The science project tears, the pride of being picked for the team, the "Just-kiss-me-on-the-cheek now, Mom", the sleep-over pillow-fights... are fading away.

The cramming for tests, the first lipsticked smile, the "may-I-stay-out-later?" phone call... are gone before you know it.

The neatly typed resume, the reciprocated fashion advice, the glittering diamond on an outstretched hand... will be a faint memory.

So, I'll cherish my baby, rock him a little longer, bend down to my toddler, take the hand of my kindergartner, allow my older one to finish what she's saying, and remind myself of what it was like to be a teen.

I don't want to blink but if I do, I want to be able to say I savoured every stage as a gift, and honoured mothering these little image-bearers of God.

(sifting through old photos and feeling a little like the years are flying)

Workin' Mommas

It occurred to me, in the middle of the night, that there may be some working mommas out there who feel like they'll never be able to influence their children the way that homeschooling mommas do. I'm not implying that stay-at-home mothers are not working but I am talking about those who step out into the world every day, kiss their babies goodbye and entrust them to others while they are away. Whether you work outside the home because you desire to or because you have to, I'm here to encourage you that you are having a profound influence on your children. Homeschooling mothers also face insecurities because, while we are with our children for countless hours, we can fall into escapism. We struggle to carve out "me-time" and thus, are tempted to push our children away and can even create a negative environment. And, sometimes we just want to be like you! :) We are all just moms on the journey to raising our children in the Lord.

As women, we were designed to care for our offspring. Our circumstances may not allow us to do this in the way we think is ideal or we may not feel we are equipped to be the primary caregivers of our children in the daylight hours. But, in the heart of every mother, the ache to do it "right" nags at us. We read about it, talk about it at playgroups, we see other women at church and at work and we compare. We ask ourselves, Am I a good mother? Am I influencing my children for the kingdom? Am I even capable of remembering to pack their lunches!? We are often guilt-ridden simply because we are striving for some sort of invisible standard. I struggle with these thoughts daily and I'm with my children all.the.time.

I have learned from reading and gleaning from other "fallen mommas" that what children need most is to know that when their mothers are with them, they're engaged. That looks different for each of one of us... which is why we cannot compare ourselves with others. Most importantly, our prayers for our children are what sustain them during their day--no matter where they are. God truly is the primary caregiver of our children and we must trust Him to watch over them, believing that He ultimately loves them more than we do. Is that even possible? Wow.

Practical tips are what I'm always looking for so I'm sharing what I've learned with you (and I know that some of you reading this have loads more to offer me, too!)

1. Always smile at your children when they approach you.


2. Touch your children as often as possible. This is especially important when you also must be working at home, in some way--perhaps on the computer. A little stroking of the hair or a snuggle on your lap as you type, helps them feel like you're engaged with them while you work.


3. Take a minute to go with them to where they're calling you. I've "shooed" away my children too often while I was editing photos and quickly learned that taking a short break from the computer to admire a Lego tower or watch a dance goes a long way in the bonding department.


4. Calculate the cost of not praying and reading God's Word with your children daily and then calculate the short amount of time it would take to add this into your day. If you're always racing to practices and appointments, pray in your vehicle and play worship music with them.


5. Pray for them and pray over them. We can whisper a prayer that they will never hear but when we embrace them before heading out the door and quickly pray God's peace and protection aloud over their little heads, they'll always know their momma believed in God's power.


6. Have a secret mommy handshake or code language saying that only you and your children know--something that makes them smile and feel loved (ex. the picture book The Kissing Hand).


7. If they're old enough, write them a note for their pillow or lunch bag that let's them know you've been thinking about them.


8. Before they fall asleep, tell them, "I love you because..." and fill in the blank with something you noticed they did that day. As they get older, they can reciprocate to you!


9. Don't give into the endless amount of guilt that the enemy would love for you to carry.
   
   
10. Sometimes a temper tantrum or angry battle requires a big hug rather than a lecture.

We're all in this together, friends. Let's encourage each other to be the best mothers we can be. That doesn't mean we have to be afraid of failing in front of one another, on the contrary! Let's be honest and humble. Bringing our struggles into the light is the only way we can be healed. Pray for other mothers instead of judging them. Every mother is in a different place and every mother can teach another something good. Have a wonderful, motherful week!

Just noticing now that Ann has some more tips on her blog too! http://www.aholyexperience.com/2010/11/10-point-manifesto-of-joyful-parenting-free-printable/