Who You Are When No One's Looking

Who are you when no one's looking? Would you be okay if a group of people from your church sat in on your polygraph test? :)

My children stood silently in awe of the "Piano Man" as he plucked the open piano with his instruments searching for a solution for our stuck keys. Just before he arrived, I had frantically dusted the piano and rubbed the fingerprints off. I was concerned about what the inside of the piano looked like too! Is it possible to get the inside of your piano dusty? And for a moment I was angry again at my little boy who had stabbed a pen over and over in the leather covering of the bench (even though it was a year ago). I knew I'd be explaining that one to Mr. VanGeest who is also a piano builder and greatly proud of his instruments. "Fear of the opinions of others" drove me to do a quick clean up so it would appear that I keep my piano dusted and cared for very well... and I do, just not as perfectly as I want to. Studying these photos reminded me of the state of my heart. I thought about how easy it is to work hard at displaying a well put together exterior, smile included. But am I the same sweetness to my family as I am to friends and acquaintances? Most importantly, am I giving the Lord intimate, devoted time the way I advise others to? One thing I know for sure is that I can't play this game for too long before I'm exposed. Only that intimate time with Him will make me able to be genuine in all of my relationships. I've tested it. I know it to be true but I need a wake up call now and then.

How about you? Who are you when no one's looking?

"But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” I Samuel 16:7

Gratitude:

701. the potential of a visit from a long time friend

702. how he said he needed to protect Olivia at church today

703. how he laughed in the restaurant when he thought Daddy was taking his booster seat to the bathroom

704. the potential of new curriculum... difficult but exciting decisions

705. my new laundry system, compliments of a seminar at the homeschool convention (it's working!)

706. the 8th pregnancy of a lovely friend

707. the healthy birth of Isabel--a first baby

708. taking photos with no pressure (feels good to be finished with the business)

709. piano-fix-it-guys

710. the way she "raps" a song to any repetitive thing she hears

711. the very forthright words of our young adults' pastor who speaks every Sunday night

712. what God is going to do with my husband's application to the city for a permit

713. waking up to birdsong

714. first spring storm this afternoon... mmm... comfort

715. how they each have a knitted blankie from Mama--just like they did with Great-Mama

716. an interesting recipe I came across today--chocolate fig brownies

717. a fabulous recipe I came across today--lasagna cupcakes

718. hockey being replaced by golf

719. the opportunity I had to speak to a large group... wanna listen?--it's all about fasting: http://bgthamilton.com/index.cfm?i=3595&mid=4&ministryid=15107 (click on March 29th) (What you can't see when you listen... I'm building a brick monument beside me each time I tell a story, AND I'm crazy nervous!)

Who's Welcome Here?

Whom have you allowed to peek into your heart? Are you holding your friends at arm's length or are you drawing them into your "discomfort zone" by revealing who you truly are? Some of you have been burned. A friend has taken your vulnerability and gossiped to another... perhaps even a Christian friend. There's a friend who sticks closer than a brother, we read in Proverbs, and Jesus knows who we are and still loves us. He stands at our door and knocks, waiting for us to allow Him to come in.

But, He also wears skin. He left us with His Body; and His Spirit, as it resides in other Believers, becomes a comfort to us. God desired that we would lean on each other, bear one another's burdens, pray for one another. He desires that we dwell together in unity. If your little part of the Body has been severed, dare to trust again. It's God's will for you to open the door of your heart to His people. Pray that He would send you someone trustworthy to lean on. Pray for a mentor. These are His ideas for His children. That means when we pray for these things, we can know He'll answer in His timing. Be patient and lay down that wounded heart at Jesus' feet and begin again.

A Tight Fist

A scowl-faced girl with a tightly clenched fist stared deep into my eyes.

"I don't want to give him any!" she crowed.

I quickly prayed for wisdom. "But if you do, you'll never regret it," I replied, pulling my small, teary-eyed boy into the huddle. She kept her eyes fixed on me, refusing to acknowledge his presence. "When we share what we have with another person, we get to see their joy because of our kindness and that makes us feel so good. God made it this way so that we would love sharing."

Her grip loosened, knuckles not so white, shoulders dropped a little. The three of us stood in silence for a moment. I could almost see the wheels turning in her little mind. "Well," she began, eyes peering into her fist all stuffed with melting m&m's, "he can have one." She turned toward her brother and carefully plucked a brown candy from between her fingers and held it out to him. A grateful boy wiped his tears with the back of his hand and popped the m&m into his mouth.

She turned back to me. "That's good, right?" she questioned with raised eyebrows.

I sighed and pulled her in close. "It's a start," I whispered.

And off they ran, as though nothing had ever happened and I sat thinking about how often my tight fisted-ness has kept me from peace and joy. I had convinced myself that I give tremendous amounts of love and time to others--others who are easy to give to. But when I began to think about who in my life is difficult to selflessly give to, that caused me to wonder what God thinks of my giving. Is it all like "filthy rags" to Him if it's not with a cheerful heart? If it's not given equally to each needy one He sends my way? What about my cranky neighbour? My high-maintenance friend? My weary husband? I can see it all so clearly in my children, why not in my own selfish heart?

I bowed my head and opened my tight fists and asked the Lord to help me to give abundantly, uncompromisingly and selflessly to all... especially those who are difficult.

P.S. For all of you who are wondering if you're the high maintenace friend... you're not. I had no one in mind, in particular. In fact, I'm sure I can be one of those too :)

The Reality Of God To A Preschooler

"OH, NO, Mommy!", three year-old Oliver exclaims. "God and Jesus are getting sooo cold!"

I stride to the kitchen to see my wide-eyed boy with popsicle juice dripping from his chin.
I respond to his panic, "Why is Jesus cold, Buddy?"
"Because I'm eating this popsicle and it's going down to my heart!"

His biggest sister turns and stifles her laugh while I begin my explanation to calm his fears. Simple explanations are often the most difficult but I manage to tumble out something along the lines of the popsicle bypassing the heart and going straight to his tummy. We'll save the anatomy lesson and where Jesus truly abides for another day. For now, I soak up this time when my little one believes the Maker of this Universe is so present inside of Him that He could be frozen by a popsicle.

Oliver, may you always feel the King of Kings in the temple of your body and may you always care for your temple with that wonderful thought in mind.

My Heart At Home

"I will walk in my house with a blameless heart." (Psalm 101:2b)

Why is it that my home is the hardest place to walk with the intent of being righteous?

Moving

You're moving in me. It's taken a long time for me to allow it but it's happening. Funny how I've begged and pleaded for years for Your touch, Lord, but was unwilling to receive it if it had strings attached. Wow, it's new to let go and let You have Your perfect way. It actually works! I feel it spilling into every area of me, every corner of my heart. It's not scary anymore-the trusting, the letting go; it's freeing. And above all, it's going to give me unspeakable joy. Thanks for being patient with me and for loving me enough to stick around until I learned Your way was best. I've been stuck in this pit for so long that the sunshine is almost blinding, but oh, it feels good!