Learning From Other Mommas

She ties the headband around the baby's black curls and asks me to photograph her for "Momma-Julie", who had mailed the accessory for the little one. I hold up my phone and call Ali and make kissy sounds to get her to look and smile. Alicia and I laugh at how she's distracted enough to keep the headband on this time. Since Julie lives several hours away, I text the photo so she can be a part of our breakfast fun. This is encouraged by adoptive mom, Alicia and once again, I marvel.

 

Learning from a brand new momma might seem unlikely when you're a mother to four, one of them approaching fifteen and a half years old. But, here I am taking mental notes as I gaze upon the gracious loveliness of  Alicia. You see, this woman who welcomed "our" Julie's baby into her home has little fear. She believes that the openness of their adoption will only benefit her baby girl and so she throws her arms wide and receives Birth Mom with all her heart. I am the recipient of this glorious exchange of love between all three and it's a gift I praise God for each time I witness it. Of course, there's a great adoptive dad who teases and jokes with Julie and loves on their child, but I spend more time with the woman who mothers this toddling, chubby Alexandria with the sweet grin and laid back disposition.

 

Julie drives to Canada and we head over to her daughter's home and hang out with the family. She's beginning to venture out more and more on her own and claim these people as part of her own. She knows how blessed she is to have such a fabulous couple to raise her girl. They also realize they've got a pretty great match with Jules as birth mom. Now, they're exchanging stories of pregnancy as Alicia miraculously is expecting after seven years of infertility. Praise God! Ali will have a sibling soon and Julie is thrilled.

 

 

 

 

 

 

As fun-loving, gift-giving, proud Momma-Julie shares this part of her life with a family who adores Ali, she experiences the power of God's idea of adoption through their love. And I, awe-filled and teachable, thank the Lord He chose these two women and that I could be in close enough proximity to it all.  

 

 

Open-Adoption Love

She assured me the baby could say, "Ma-ma," so we worked really hard to get her to say it again for the video. I scooted in close to her highchair and that beautiful adoptive-momma and I leaned over her, me with iPhone in hand, encouraging new words from Julie's eight month-old girl. We elicited smiles and coos and yes, even a "Ma-ma" Then I realized I hadn't flipped from photo to video on my camera and we laughed ourselves silly over how both of us are techy-challenged. We ate from the salad bar of the quaint Dutch Mill and then attempted another video.

 

That gorgeous, dark-skinned, little one put on her show for us and babbled and bubbled all on my now-turned-on video screen. Adoptive-mom, Alicia, gushed over her daughter, cheering on each chattery sound, "Say, Mama," Alexandria! Say hi to Momma-Julie!" Allie babbled more and Alicia sweetly roused, "What else do you want to say to Momma-Julie? Come on, what else?"

 

I shot a quick peek from my screen to Alicia, and internally noted yet another moment of wisdom from this new mother. My husband and I had fasted and prayed and sensed that this baby was not to be ours and Julie had felt peace with that. The Lord led her to exactly the couple He had chosen. Every time I see them together, I perceive God's plan so much clearer. And now, here was this  woman sacrificially and lovingly sharing her child's first precious word with the birth-mom. Would I have been so accommodating, so giving and kind? I think I would have wrapped that baby in my arms, twisted around and wished away a birth-mom's consistent presence.

I gazed at Allie, who was now banging the highchair with chubby hands, while Alicia giggled at her beloved human gift. I ended the video that I had been creating for Julie and again God whispered in my spirit that His plan was perfect. I was to remain connected to spunky, quirky, loveable birth-mom as a mentor and friend and this prudent woman would raise her baby. I hugged Alicia and Allie goodbye in the parking lot and texted Julie to watch for a soon-coming video.

 

The sun sparkled on the snow as I drove home that day and I pondered the lesson God was teaching me that I would never have fathomed in my own limited experience. I had based all my reasoning on the culture's norm in these situations and not by His great love. Of course the Father's limitless love would intend for the inclusion of birth-mom and adoptive-mom lavishing affection on a child in harmony! If it's as beautiful a story as this one, of course! I'm astounded by how obvious this is, now that I witness Alicia's willingness to include Julie in Alexandria's life. Furthermore, she welcomes her knowing Allie's future questions are better answered with her birth-mom available. I remembered the photo I took of Julie that Alicia had developed and framed in Alexandria's nursery. I stood amazed then too.

 

All things work together for good for those who love the Lord. I am still learning, but I know I've become a better momma because of this entire experience. I believe healthy boundaries are important, but God reveals those in each individual, open, partially-open and closed adoptions. At this time in my life, though, I am fully aware He wanted me to comprehend openness so I could understand His all-encompassing love. He adopted me! I'm so grateful Alicia and her husband are teaching me so I don't have to experience a painful lesson or hurt a precious birth-mom in my selfishness. Although we are not pursuing adoption at this time, I glorify God for people who live in a way that demonstrates the Father's love.