This Journey: grace

Showing posts with label grace. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Day Twelve: Us, Working Together

We argued and it was ugly. I tramped into the bathroom and caught my reflection in the mirror. It was then the prayer and tears flowed. Why did I allow myself to carry on with that child? It had begun so well, but as she escalated in a demanding tone, my self-control slowly leaked away like a broken dam and then gushed at the point of impact. My defensive retorts aggressively pulled at the threads of the beautiful relationship we'd woven. I pretended to myself that I was angry with her but I know that the enemy of our souls is out to rob the family of all peace and love. I sign up for that agenda when I allow myself to blow off my steam on her. I once heard that homeschooling is undoubtedly, the catalyst for revealing one's dark side. It was supposed to be a joke but I know this all too well. Grace, lots of it, gets dumped each morning on my bed. I rise and am aware I'm totally forgiven and given the chance to begin again. How can I return to my old way with all that overflowing mercy? I came across this post today, and I was overwhelmed with the Holy Spirit's powerful reminder. My friend, Rebecca calls it a God-spanking ;) No condemnation, of course!

Oh, but working together? It's what I so love! It's a blessed calling and a lovely lifestyle. I am the creator and facilitator of a peaceful and workable environment. When I flow with the Lord, it's countless times better than when I utilize only my own efforts. My kids may have wild and disobedient days, but I am slowly but surely learning to be a spirit-controlled woman... hopefully, before my children leave the home :)

Emily's mini Charlotte's Web project on the rat, spider and pig. Almost finished.

Using library cards to record our Africa books as a forever reminder of our rich learning.

Some of the photos given to us by a couple in our church who have visited Africa a few times.

Dispelling the stereotypes. What a fabulous lesson!

Plodding along, sometimes skipping through this homeschooling journey. Posting some of the productivity always makes me sigh with relief and smile... His grace allows for learning to happen when it feels like the day has slipped through my fingers. Such Love.

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Mercy At Bedtime

She snuggles her little afro into my neck and squeezes those chubby legs around my hips. Tucking her arms under her belly as she leans into me, signifies that this small bundle of energy has finally run out of whatever it is that fuels her to move without ceasing for most of the day. The warmth of her in fleece sleepers and the scent of baby oil on her skin calm me like nothing else does. I lay her limp figure in the tiny, white, toddler bed and with eyes still closed, she gropes for my hand and whispers, "Pray". The prayer spills easily from me and tears even come. It's been a long day full of disciplining the limbs-flailing tantrums and cleaning up potty messes. I ask for mercy and patience for me and an obedient heart for her. She opens her eyes for a moment and whispers again, "I love you, Mommy" and pulls on my neck for a hug.

You know those snippets in time? The ones where all the difficult is swallowed up with sweetness that only comes from the mercy of God? I'd experienced many with my own children and now, I was grateful once again that all my efforts, productive or not, are redeemed by His grace.

Six months have passed since we've shared Ashanti with her momma. There is still no word from Immigration in order for Valerie to rest easy that she will remain in Canada. And so, we continue to be a loving, extended family to both.

above three photos taken by my sister: www.truecoloursphotography.ca

following photos from my phone...

she thought it was hysterical that Barbie can sit on the edge of the bathtub :)

snuggle with Mrs. Vos, who is teaching me afro hair techniques

Crying after I told her no more cookies. I played music to distract her and she fell asleep with tears streaming down. However, she danced as she faded off. Nothing can stop the groove of this girl :)

Ashanti, you are our entertainment. You keep us on our toes. You show us what love is all about. xo

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Grace Laced

I fluffed the pillow beneath my elbow as I watched her hands move in tandem with aching words, describing the years I'd missed. We'd been friends since grade eight but had lost touch in recent and apparently, difficult years. She'd experienced pain through admittedly unwise choices but also through horrible injustices forced on her by others. This beautiful woman wiped her tears with the corner of the napkin from the fancy little lunch she'd prepared on a silver platter. I clasped her flailing hand in mine and shook my head at the trauma she'd endured. How could one person face so much? I leaned back against pillows that matched her one room apartment and sighed. I wished I'd known, that I could have helped... something.

But as we talked, I noticed more and more that my friend's words were laced with grace. Her suffering had drawn her closer to God, not pushed her further from Him. Her resolve in believing He had a better plan for her future was her theme. It wasn't false hope or Christian clichés, but she truly knew all along that the Lord, whom she'd been raised to fear as a harsh judge over her every move, was actually a loving Father who'd been protecting her mind and heart all those years. Although, anger arose in her from time to time, she ultimately spoke lovingly of those who've wronged her and she desires for them to have God's goodness too. I sat breathless.--amazed, but not surprised, at how our awesome God kept my friend from falling into unforgiveness and bitterness--both of which only hurt the one feeling them.

stopping for a photo in the rainy streets of Toronto

a beautiful garden stairway

little markets along her neighbourhood (she's embarrassed at all the pics I took of her--making up for lost time :)

another lovely yard and home

what a splendid pathway to one's front door!

trying to identify these flowers (oh, Terry where are you when I need you?)

gateway to a gorgeous backyard

huge gardens in bloom and well-manicured

standing in front of Casa Loma, which is just down the street from my dear friend

saying goodbye and heading home after promises of meeting again soon--so thankful for God-connections and His timing--so grateful for His redemption of our pasts!

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Learning From Other Mommas

She ties the headband around the baby's black curls and asks me to photograph her for "Momma-Julie", who had mailed the accessory for the little one. I hold up my phone and call Ali and make kissy sounds to get her to look and smile. Alicia and I laugh at how she's distracted enough to keep the headband on this time. Since Julie lives several hours away, I text the photo so she can be a part of our breakfast fun. This is encouraged by adoptive mom, Alicia and once again, I marvel.

Learning from a brand new momma might seem unlikely when you're a mother to four, one of them approaching fifteen and a half years old. But, here I am taking mental notes as I gaze upon the gracious loveliness of Alicia. You see, this woman who welcomed "our" Julie's baby into her home has little fear. She believes that the openness of their adoption will only benefit her baby girl and so she throws her arms wide and receives Birth Mom with all her heart. I am the recipient of this glorious exchange of love between all three and it's a gift I praise God for each time I witness it. Of course, there's a great adoptive dad who teases and jokes with Julie and loves on their child, but I spend more time with the woman who mothers this toddling, chubby Alexandria with the sweet grin and laid back disposition.

Julie drives to Canada and we head over to her daughter's home and hang out with the family. She's beginning to venture out more and more on her own and claim these people as part of her own. She knows how blessed she is to have such a fabulous couple to raise her girl. They also realize they've got a pretty great match with Jules as birth mom. Now, they're exchanging stories of pregnancy as Alicia miraculously is expecting after seven years of infertility. Praise God! Ali will have a sibling soon and Julie is thrilled.

As fun-loving, gift-giving, proud Momma-Julie shares this part of her life with a family who adores Ali, she experiences the power of God's idea of adoption through their love. And I, awe-filled and teachable, thank the Lord He chose these two women and that I could be in close enough proximity to it all.

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Breathing In His Grace

She plunked out the chords and her sisters gathered around. They chimed in, "Every step we'll be breathing in Your grace. Evermore we'll be breathing out Your praise..." I watch from the kitchen doorway and smile. How quickly they grew from toddling, chubby, little ones to worshipful, unified, lovely ones. Oh, the blessing!

Found this amazing wall. Unplanned rainbow shirts? Even more amazing :)

A discouraged friend visited the other day and needed encouragement to trudge onward in her homeschooling journey. She witnessed one reason after another in our crazy, untidy, noisy home, that there was peace underlying it all and that her own wee ones truly were benefiting from her sacrificial choice. My girls sat down at the piano in the living room and that momma paused in drinking her tea and chuckled, "Cue the worship music!" We had a good laugh as it seemed that the family singing was a plan to be the icing on top of our convincing argument. Of course, she noticed the less than beautiful moments too. But although we are so far from perfect, we are grateful for the freedom to home educate. Breathing in His grace.

Cousin Clara's first birthday!

Hanging with cousins after swimming lessons.

First riding lessons on her own.

My favourite benefit of homeschooling? Tossing the books as soon as the rain clears and heading for the woods--where we get drenched anyway. We return home, dry off and cozy up for a read-aloud and a snack. Unforgettable memories. Breathing out His praise.

Monday, December 30, 2013

A Few Of My Favourite Things This Christmas

From family gathering to family gathering, from ice storm to a beautiful white Christmas, I have experienced gifts of immeasurable value this year. Although this month felt rushed, busy, obligatory and less accomplished than I'd hoped, I have clear hindsight through Holy Spirit vision and it's all good. What is that exactly? It's when you are able to read between the lines that grace and mercy have played a huge role in your daily living and you didn't even notice it until you stopped long enough to pay attention. I muddled things up and lived in a flurry, when what I needed was to be still and know that Jesus is God. Thankfully, His grace covers my seemingly important urgencies. At the manger, I can lay it all down and whisper that I'm sorry I've left Him out of so much lately. But, it seems as though He whispers back, "You're here now, My child."

Oh, how I always want to be right there.

(a long scroll of photos that are my favourites from the past few days...)