Day Twenty-Two: Counting Credits and Blessings

After the last bang of fireworks blasted through the night air, I made the kids turn around for a photo. We had rushed to the next town to catch what was left of the Victoria Day show and that meant pulling over at the side of the road and climbing onto the truck to get any type of view. As my children turned toward me, Oliver shoved from his side and Emily nearly fell off her end. It was quite the spectacle as crowds of firecracker fans bustled past, racing to their cars to beat the predictable traffic rush. I ordered my kids to just sit nicely and, for Pete's sake, stop arguing. But in the dark, after my flash faded, I laughed to myself and counted my blessings--all four of them. 

Proposing that we're not like other families and that we are always kind and generous does no one any good. I stand with my mouth agape at the way my children can behave in public, and they are quite astonished, I'm sure, at the way I can behave at home. I'm more civilized in public ;) The truth is, we all struggle to follow Jesus, and I'm just so thankful (in case I haven't mentioned it here before) that His mercy toward me is from ever-lasting to ever-lasting. I need it. 

Besides counting blessings, we are doing a lot of credit counting as Meg's mind is constantly on her future and what she needs to enroll in her desired university. These discussions can be intense as fears swell in waves as she attempts to steer the ship of her schooling. Now and then, she passes the wheel to me and we sit and count again. I pray for her to relax in knowing she's on the right track and that God has a plan for her life. We talk of kids she knows who are writing fewer essays but doing better in math. We look at the requirements for different schools and are set at ease in one area and bolstered in another. It's a time of deep emotion and excitement, of trepidation and elation all at once. I'm sharing it all with her, regardless of how tense it can become, and I count blessings as we count credits.

Day Twelve: Us, Working Together

We argued and it was ugly. I tramped into the bathroom and caught my reflection in the mirror. It was then the prayer and tears flowed. Why did I allow myself to carry on with that child? It had begun so well, but as she escalated in a demanding tone, my self-control slowly leaked away like a broken dam and then gushed at the point of impact. My defensive retorts aggressively pulled at the threads of the beautiful relationship we'd woven. I pretended to myself that I was angry with her but I know that the enemy of our souls is out to rob the family of all peace and love. I sign up for that agenda when I allow myself to blow off my steam on her. I once heard that homeschooling is undoubtedly, the catalyst for revealing one's dark side. It was supposed to be a joke but I know this all too well. Grace, lots of it, gets dumped each morning on my bed. I rise and am aware I'm totally forgiven and given the chance to begin again. How can I return to my old way with all that overflowing mercy? I came across this post today, and I was overwhelmed with the Holy Spirit's powerful reminder. My friend, Rebecca calls it a God-spanking ;) No condemnation, of course!

Oh, but working together? It's what I so love! It's a blessed calling and a lovely lifestyle. I am the creator and facilitator of a peaceful and workable environment. When I flow with the Lord, it's countless times better than when I utilize only my own efforts. My kids may have wild and disobedient days, but I am slowly but surely learning to be a spirit-controlled woman... hopefully, before my children leave the home :)

Emily's mini Charlotte's Web project on the rat, spider and pig. Almost finished. 

 Using library cards to record our Africa books as a forever reminder of our rich learning.

 Some of the photos given to us by a couple in our church who have visited Africa a few times.

Dispelling the stereotypes. What a fabulous lesson!

 

Plodding along, sometimes skipping through this homeschooling journey. Posting some of the productivity always makes me sigh with relief and smile... His grace allows for learning to happen when it feels like the day has slipped through my fingers. Such Love.

Mercy At Bedtime

She snuggles her little afro into my neck and squeezes those chubby legs around my hips. Tucking her arms under her belly as she leans into me, signifies that this small bundle of energy has finally run out of whatever it is that fuels her to move without ceasing for most of the day. The warmth of her in fleece sleepers and the scent of baby oil on her skin calm me like nothing else does. I lay her limp figure in the tiny, white, toddler bed and with eyes still closed, she gropes for my hand and whispers, "Pray". The prayer spills easily from me and tears even come. It's been a long day full of  disciplining the limbs-flailing tantrums and cleaning up potty messes. I ask for mercy and patience for me and an obedient heart for her. She opens her eyes for a moment and whispers again, "I love you, Mommy" and pulls on my neck for a hug.

 

 

You know those snippets in time? The ones where all the difficult is swallowed up with sweetness that only comes from the mercy of God? I'd experienced many with my own children and now, I was grateful once again that all my efforts, productive or not, are redeemed by His grace.

Six months have passed since we've shared Ashanti with her momma. There is still no word from Immigration in order for Valerie to rest easy that she will remain in Canada. And so, we continue to be a loving, extended family to both.   

 

above three photos taken by my sister: www.truecoloursphotography.ca 

following photos from my phone...

she thought it was hysterical that Barbie can sit on the edge of the bathtub :)

snuggle with Mrs. Vos, who is teaching me afro hair techniques

Crying after I told her no more cookies. I played music to distract her and she fell asleep with tears streaming down. However, she danced as she faded off. Nothing can stop the groove of this girl :)

Ashanti, you are our entertainment. You keep us on our toes. You show us what love is all about. xo

Grace Laced

I fluffed the pillow beneath my elbow as I watched her hands move in tandem with aching words, describing the years I'd missed. We'd been friends since grade eight but had lost touch in recent and apparently, difficult years. She'd experienced pain through admittedly unwise choices but also through horrible injustices forced on her by others. This beautiful woman wiped her tears with the corner of the napkin from the fancy little lunch she'd prepared on a silver platter. I clasped her flailing hand in mine and shook my head at the trauma she'd endured. How could one person face so much? I leaned back against pillows that matched her one room apartment and sighed. I wished I'd known, that I could have helped... something.

 

But as we talked, I noticed more and more that my friend's words were laced with grace. Her suffering had drawn her closer to God, not pushed her further from Him. Her resolve in believing He had a better plan for her future was her theme. It wasn't false hope or Christian clichés, but she truly knew all along that the Lord, whom she'd been raised to fear as a harsh judge over her every move, was actually a loving Father who'd been protecting her mind and heart all those years. Although, anger arose in her from time to time, she ultimately spoke lovingly of those who've wronged her and she desires for them to have God's goodness too. I sat breathless.--amazed, but not surprised, at how our awesome God kept my friend from falling into unforgiveness and bitterness--both of which only hurt the one feeling them.

stopping for a photo in the rainy streets of Toronto

a beautiful garden stairway

little markets along her neighbourhood (she's embarrassed at all the pics I took of her--making up for lost time :)

another lovely yard and home

what a splendid pathway to one's front door!

trying to identify these flowers (oh, Terry where are you when I need you?)

gateway to a gorgeous backyard

huge gardens in bloom and well-manicured 

standing in front of Casa Loma, which is just down the street from my dear friend

saying goodbye and heading home after promises of meeting again soon--so thankful for God-connections and His timing--so grateful for His redemption of our pasts!

Day Twenty: Patience In Homeschooling

"I'm going straight into that principal's office tomorrow and signing you up immediately! If you're going to disrespect me as your teacher one more time, I will have no other choice. Try that at school and see what happens! They won't take kindly to all that mouthiness, I promise you!" I raged, looming over her with hands on my hips.

 

My girl stood with big brown eyes like saucers, confounded by the sight before her. She was suddenly quiet as she gazed upon her mother having the same tantrum she had just displayed. Her shoulders slumped and she looked down at the floor. "I don't want to go to school, Mommy," she cried.

 

My muscles loosened and I sighed. In that moment, I realized I had lost my patience over a ready bomb that could have been deactivated in a much different way. Shame crept over me as every moment I had lost my cool raced through my mind. I pulled her toward me and wrapped my arms around her. "I love teaching you, Babe, I really do. I just want you to remember to honour Mommy, as the Bible says, and obey the rules of our homeschool. Will you forgive me for being so impatient?" Through her tears she gazed up at me, still frowning.

 

"Okay (sniff)." And she buried her head in my sweater.

 

Patience is a daily request I make to the Lord. But because His Spirit is resident in me, and He is all-patient, I have the ability to exhibit patience to my children. I am not helpless. I am not left without a way out of the temptation to lose it. (I Corinthians 10:13) I am responsible, and capable, to obey and be long-suffering as Jesus exemplified. He said, "If you love Me, keep My commandments." (John 14:15, 16) Thankfully, when I fail, the Holy Spirit rescues me every time as He is my "Helper". He knows my heart and that I desperately desire to raise my children experiencing this beautiful fruit of the Spirit in me. I want a soft answer to be so normal in our home that they are surprised when they see impatient behaviour. (Proverbs 15:1) I know that my greatest weapon against impatience is communing daily with the Giver of this fruit. (Psalm 27--amazing! Galatians 5:25) I see such a difference in my responses to my children and husband when I do.

 

 

After posting yesterday's writing about roadblocks to homeschooling, I thought about how impatience is likely the next biggest concern for mothers. They fear they won't have enough patience to deal with their children by educating them and being with them all day long. Well, they're absolutely correct--they won't, and I don't either. However, just as we rely on God to provide financially and to turn the hearts of our husbands, we trust that if He's leading us to this calling, He'll provide the patience when we ask. It doesn't mean we won't make mistakes, but we will grow in Him and get a little closer to the way His Son lived and was an example for us. Psalm 103 speaks of God's great long-suffering with us and that He doesn't punish us according to what we deserve. Since patience is directly related to mercy and we have been shown unfathomable mercy in our lives, we remind ourselves that we must have mercy on our children when they are behaving or learning in way that is frustrating to us. We have the ability to have patience in our homeschooling when God is the One who leads us.

 

 

Gratitude:

 

1514. for the unbelievable mercy God grants me each day

1515. the news Linda received that the plate in her head will be operated on to be fixed

1516. that Kim began her treatments and is on the road to healing (believing!)

1517. for another birthday for my two January kiddos!

1518. for a continued love of homeschooling even in our eighth year

1519. for the readers of this blog who let me know once in awhile that they're "tuned in"--thank you!

1520. how gratitude really does change hearts and minds and bring joy to your life

1521. for intimate conversations with my big girl
1522. how he often says out of the blue, "I love you, Mommy."

 

 

A Few Of My Favourite Things This Christmas

 

From family gathering to family gathering, from ice storm to a beautiful white Christmas, I have experienced gifts of immeasurable value this year. Although this month felt rushed, busy, obligatory and less accomplished than I'd hoped, I have clear hindsight through Holy Spirit vision and it's all good. What is that exactly? It's when you are able to read between the lines that grace and mercy have played a huge role in your daily living and you didn't even notice it until you stopped long enough to pay attention. I muddled things up and lived in a flurry, when what I needed was to be still and know that Jesus is God. Thankfully, His grace covers my seemingly important urgencies. At the manger, I can lay it all down and whisper that I'm sorry I've left Him out of so much lately. But, it seems as though He whispers back, "You're here now, My child."

Oh, how I always want to be right there.

 

(a long scroll of photos that are my favourites from the past few days...)

 

Baby Lover (she comes by it honestly)

  

newly-discovered talents

being silly while opening sibling gifts

Santa, with ice-covered trees in background

Meg was beyond excited to give her gifts to her siblings. They loved them :)

Love how most of their gifts come straight from their own bedrooms :)

appreciation

We miss Great-Mama who knit all of our stockings.

Papa pic taken by Oliver

where we all get our photo-love

my packed living room--love it!

Valerie and Ashanti spent the night with us again this year.

Mama made these amazing hats!

Auntie Heather and Ashanti

Love this kid.

Special visit from my dear friend, Tara (who lives far, far away)

Leaning on each other and the Lord as they walk through cancer together.

the "big boys"

enjoying a new pillow

Always much hilarity when someone gets Kevin's gift!

Kevin looks a little guilty.

The gag gift (the white Value Village vest) and the real gift by Justin.

 We all laughed till we cried over this one!

sweet girls

nutso girls

showing Grandma and Grandpa their photos in Elf Yourself

a little shuffleboard

three sisters

Oliver watching Sadie open her gift from him. Love his face here (and hers).

cousins

the "big girls"

massage time--Meg seems to be really loving it :)

Every time I lift the camera, Kevin makes this face.

 Lego help from Jenna

annual p.j. pic.
oliver refused to wear his because they were too big and
 he thought they looked like girl ones, lol!

keeping warm

reading The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by the fire

power outage!

icy beauty