Goodbye, Sweet Girl

Tiny Everleigh went to be with Jesus today. The injuries from the accident were too much for her little body to sustain. Her young momma remains on Earth but is also in the arms of Jesus because He promises to never leave her. Please lift up our family for comfort and peace in the days ahead.

Day Thirty: A Desperate Request!

Praying friends, fellow warriors in the faith, I request your fervent prayers on this final day of my blog posts on this subject. This morning I learned that my cousin's 19 year-old daughter lost control of her vehicle yesterday and rolled it several times and crashed into a utility pole. Her one year-old daughter was with her, buckled securely, but all the rollovers crushed her head and she is in critical care with several skull fractures and a brain bleed with much swelling. The young momma has minimal injuries. Might I beg you to please pray on behalf of my family? Little Everleigh has had surgery and the CT shows there is still too much pressure on her brain. They don't know how much longer she'll live. As my cousin wrote on Facebook: she is truly in the hands of God. That is the best place for her to be. We'd like to keep her here a little longer though. Please petition the Lord with me for this tiny girl's life, for her mother's sad heart and the family's peace. Thank you. May the Lord increase our learning more and more in prayer as we journey homeward.

Open-Adoption Love

She assured me the baby could say, "Ma-ma," so we worked really hard to get her to say it again for the video. I scooted in close to her highchair and that beautiful adoptive-momma and I leaned over her, me with iPhone in hand, encouraging new words from Julie's eight month-old girl. We elicited smiles and coos and yes, even a "Ma-ma" Then I realized I hadn't flipped from photo to video on my camera and we laughed ourselves silly over how both of us are techy-challenged. We ate from the salad bar of the quaint Dutch Mill and then attempted another video.

 

That gorgeous, dark-skinned, little one put on her show for us and babbled and bubbled all on my now-turned-on video screen. Adoptive-mom, Alicia, gushed over her daughter, cheering on each chattery sound, "Say, Mama," Alexandria! Say hi to Momma-Julie!" Allie babbled more and Alicia sweetly roused, "What else do you want to say to Momma-Julie? Come on, what else?"

 

I shot a quick peek from my screen to Alicia, and internally noted yet another moment of wisdom from this new mother. My husband and I had fasted and prayed and sensed that this baby was not to be ours and Julie had felt peace with that. The Lord led her to exactly the couple He had chosen. Every time I see them together, I perceive God's plan so much clearer. And now, here was this  woman sacrificially and lovingly sharing her child's first precious word with the birth-mom. Would I have been so accommodating, so giving and kind? I think I would have wrapped that baby in my arms, twisted around and wished away a birth-mom's consistent presence.

I gazed at Allie, who was now banging the highchair with chubby hands, while Alicia giggled at her beloved human gift. I ended the video that I had been creating for Julie and again God whispered in my spirit that His plan was perfect. I was to remain connected to spunky, quirky, loveable birth-mom as a mentor and friend and this prudent woman would raise her baby. I hugged Alicia and Allie goodbye in the parking lot and texted Julie to watch for a soon-coming video.

 

The sun sparkled on the snow as I drove home that day and I pondered the lesson God was teaching me that I would never have fathomed in my own limited experience. I had based all my reasoning on the culture's norm in these situations and not by His great love. Of course the Father's limitless love would intend for the inclusion of birth-mom and adoptive-mom lavishing affection on a child in harmony! If it's as beautiful a story as this one, of course! I'm astounded by how obvious this is, now that I witness Alicia's willingness to include Julie in Alexandria's life. Furthermore, she welcomes her knowing Allie's future questions are better answered with her birth-mom available. I remembered the photo I took of Julie that Alicia had developed and framed in Alexandria's nursery. I stood amazed then too.

 

All things work together for good for those who love the Lord. I am still learning, but I know I've become a better momma because of this entire experience. I believe healthy boundaries are important, but God reveals those in each individual, open, partially-open and closed adoptions. At this time in my life, though, I am fully aware He wanted me to comprehend openness so I could understand His all-encompassing love. He adopted me! I'm so grateful Alicia and her husband are teaching me so I don't have to experience a painful lesson or hurt a precious birth-mom in my selfishness. Although we are not pursuing adoption at this time, I glorify God for people who live in a way that demonstrates the Father's love.

 

 

 

 

Post-Adoption Peace

She asked if the adoptive parents would allow her to "babysit" her little girl with me. She wanted to feel like a mom for just a few hours during her weekend visit. Those fabulous people said, yes, and dropped their baby off at my house, laughed and gave us her schedule and diaper bag and scooted out the door to visit friends. I closed the door behind them and was astounded at their security and grace. I took photos and helped Julie change Alexandria's diaper for the first time. The excited birth-momma lovingly bounced the baby on her lap and snuggled her and looked her over to memorize every inch.

 

Since God was the author of this adoption and Julie willingly obeyed what she had heard in her prayers to Him, she is in total peace about the life her little girl is living--mostly without her. That weekend, she also shared her story to one hundred and fifty financial supporters at a gala dinner for the pregnancy support centre that had been instrumental in helping her through this crisis. Like a relay racer, she took the baton from the faithful mentors in her life and continues to encourage other pregnant girls to consider the beautiful life that open adoption can provide.

 

My children and I waved goodbye as Julie and her friend backed out of our driveway to begin the eight hour journey home. It was a good weekend, the kind you praise the Lord for because you can already see the fruit of prayer, fasting and late-night emotional conversations. Two little girls left my home that weekend, one the mother of the other, but both with a new future. Because Julie placed her trust in God's plan, she gave hope and life to a brand new person on this earth.

Dedication Of A Little Soul

She left her country to come to Canada and through hardship she found herself in a difficult situation. She became a single momma and God brought us together in October of last year. Valerie asked me to be her baby's godmother and I didn't hesitate to say yes. This young and intentional momma dedicated her little girl to the Lord and we stood there nodding our heads in agreement with the pastor's prayer over this small person. I'm so grateful to be in Ashanti's life. May the Lord raise her up to be a mighty woman for Him!

with Julie and Lisa (a sweet staff from Shifra) 

 

Till We Meet In Heaven One Day

Periwinkle trumpets gently beckon me to gaze heavenward, as they do at this time each year. In recent years, I've been surprised by them as the thoughts of our baby have become less frequent. We planted these Rose Of Sharon bushes in memory of the little one we miscarried at 16.5 weeks and they've reached toward their Maker ever since.

We know we will see our child again one day because he/she was designed by God and "knit together" by Him (Psalm 139:13). He knew the number of our baby's days and although our dreams were for his/her future here on earth, our tiny one really does belong to the Lord. What a hope we have that because we are His too, we'll be reunited again. That hope has taken the sting out of the pain.

Gratitude:
1237. hope that comforts all longing
1238. safe traveling on our vacation
1239. the beauty of the rain forest
1240. brilliant blue morpho butterflies
1241. scarlet macaws and how they mate for life
1242. reuniting with our children
1243. tubing down crashing rapids
1244. connecting with our Costa Rican staff in a personal way
1245. desperately needed downpours yesterday--praise God!
1246. Mom is home and recovering well
1247. prayers that never ceased from family and friends for her
1248. Hilary, Holly, Annie and Leanne who all cared so lovingly for my children while we were away
1249. how my camera still works fairly well after it was dropped twice :(
1250. celebrating 18 years of marriage!
1251. how Meg noticed that I wrote this post on Mama's birthday (perhaps she's worshipping Jesus right now with our baby? what a picture!)

Eleven Years Ago Today...

My water broke and my husband was an hour's drive from home. It was 10a.m. and the elation I felt was indescribable. After I alerted him, I called my midwife. 12 1/2 hours of natural labour, excruciating pain, fear, physical trauma and nearly breaking Terry's neck, she, whom we thought was a boy, entered our world.

The privacy of a newly married couple, the dreaming, the oblivious thoughts of what lay outside of themselves could not have been more interrupted--nor more graced that day. From that moment, Meghan Grace, our firstborn, birthed from our mingled love, has forever changed who we were. Could we possibly remain "Terry and Heather" when this tiny being forced us to lie awake listening to her breathe? When she stole our hearts with that first smile or unknowingly demanded we stay home from events just so we could let her nap? This one who caused us to proudly draw the attention of countless unsuspecting strangers to photos of her? Terry and I often asked each other in those first few weeks where her real parents were. Wasn't someone supposed to come pick up their baby, the one we were looking after for them? We were truly astounded she was really ours.

At twenty-three months, this gentle, contented girl began her journey to independence and took us for a wild ride. She taught us how to be parents and in doing so, she paved the way for her siblings. She grew and surprised us. She exhibited so many obvious traits that were inherited and yet, amazed us with unique qualities we wish we had. She matured in wisdom and keeping up with her endless questions and fervour for life has been a challenge--a fantastic one.

Today she turned eleven. That small package that the nurse allowed us to take home in our car that day sleeps tonight with long legs peeking out from under her quilt. She's traded soothers and bottles for nail polish and an mp3. I still stare at her and listen to her breathing from time to time, but I've learned to trust that God will sustain her without my sleepless vigil. Eleven years has taken us from an inexperienced young couple to parents who, through many trials and joys, still must daily reassess their course. Life would not be the same without Meghan, for her very presence commands attention. Her spirited, goofy (not sure where that comes from!) personality, love for her family and for Jesus are things I ponder in my heart daily. That the Lord gifted her to my care, overwhelms me still.

Happy Birthday, Meggie-Mouse. May God bless your year abundantly and may you grow in wisdom and faith this year.