Days Fifteen and Sixteen: Truth Or Dare and Blessings

She'd planned everything from the menu, my grocery list, team-building games and contests, question and answer times, outdoor fun, Blessing Day and now, fourteen girls squished their bodies round a circle, atop sleeping bags, pillows and couch cushions, filling the room with their laughter and giddy shouts. They were playing Truth Or Dare and I had to smile as I heard dares of sticking a hand into the fish tank for twenty seconds or licking a spoonful of spices. Molly has sweet girlfriends and all that silliness is about as carried away as they get... besides chatting in low whispers till one o'clock a.m. Since Molly is becoming a teenager, we allowed a big sleepover party and, as it turns out, only half were able to spend the night--another sign of great kids and families. Never offended, always grateful for the standards kept.

Almost 13!

Truth Or Dare?

Late night sparklers since it's also Victoria Day weekend!

 

Warhead candy eating contest--no sour faces allowed, and no spitting it out!

Blessing Day returns for the 13th year! Off to bless our staff with cookies and juice on this very busy long weekend.

Cousins love cookies!

Stopping thirsty workers who appreciate a moment's break for a refreshment. 

Helping to put away abandoned carts.

Plenty of babysitters around.  

More cousins loving Blessing Day cookies.

 Handsome Owner/Operator

Everyone is amused by the raspy little "God bless you!" from Ashanti.

Last two friends to go home. Some painting on the driveway.

I'll be writing more about our girl when she actually turns thirteen, but for now I'll just say that this fabulous kid picks pretty darling friends :)

Day Nine: Girl Talk

I backed myself slowly onto Sandee's couch because Ashanti's body lay limply over me, limbs hanging in deep-sleep-relaxation. The women around the room smiled at us but they were already into the heart of their conversation. We were a little late for our Girl Talk meeting but I knew I'd glean some wisdom if we came anyway. My dear friend, Sandee, whom I'd taught with before we started having babies, then homeschooling, had begun this little "club" for moms and daughters. It's goal is to draw us closer to one another while teaching about purity and God's design for girls. We commenced writing in secret encouragement journals to our daughters and they were writing back. Sandee invites a special speaker some nights and last month's mom had older daughters, who'd been through the growing years together, and together they qualified as beautiful mentors for us and our girls. They shared their mistakes and their joys, their epiphanies about motherhood and their unrealistic expectations. It's been a sweet experience.

my "baby" girls

(on a sweaty hike :)

 

The mom who shared last night was weeping through her story, not because of its sad elements, but because of how far God had brought her from being a bulimic to a loving, non-judgmental mother who adores her girls and is careful to remind them how loved they are by God--no matter what. I looked down at the little one in my arms, her journey just beginning, and yet she'd been through so many changes already. I'm forever whispering prayers over her and in that moment, I realized how very crucial my influence is in her life, even though she's not my own. I shifted underneath her and her sweaty head flopped on my other shoulder. The woman spoke of finally "getting" who God was in her later years, after being raised in a Christian home. She said it was like the words of the Bible jumped out at her for the first time. She was so excited to understand that God accepted her with all her failures and poor choices. That's exactly the knowing I hoped my girls would embrace as they grow, this little one included.

sweet girls

 

The woman wrapped up her talk and we all shared homemade goodies and more conversation--us mommas, each striving to raise godly girls while sometimes lacking in godliness ourselves. We watched a short video about the evolution of the swimsuit. The message the Lord revealed through the whole evening was that His mercy is beyond our comprehension. It was a love memo I know well, but tucked in my heart pocket for further pondering. I slipped Ashanti into her car seat and the other kids clicked their belts. As we pulled away, I called back to my children, "Hey girls, do you know how God feels about you?"

Day Twenty-One: Educating With Different Genders

He stopped reading mid-sentence and scratched his arm... which reminded him he had biceps... and then he became distracted flexing those beauties. I oohed and aahhed for a moment then traced my finger back over the text to prompt him to commence reading. He continued and I smiled to myself in wonderment over the difference between this young lad and my girls.

 

Gender differences in your homeschool will cause you to stop and scratch your head unless you're aware that not every curriculum or book or activity will smoothly succeed without at least considering gender. I'm so thankful God created boys and girls the way He did. Their contrasting qualities are interesting and awesome to teach. Having three daughters before a son had surely set me on a one-track teaching style. It took some creativity and advice to be able to alter my thinking in educating all four of my children.

 

Some children do not fit the typical gender tendencies and that's delightful too. Keep in mind, your daughters may struggle to pay attention and your boys may exhibit language skills earlier. (Just a note: although I am not presently dealing with learning disabilities,, I've taught learning-challenged kids in school and watched friends and family battle with decisions surrounding these. This is where that homeschool support group is invaluable. You're guaranteed to find another family dealing with the same circumstances to a large or small degree.) I love veteran home educators who have a wealth of wisdom when it comes to various issues I encounter.

One such source was our local homeschool convention's keynote speaker, Andrew Pudewa, who addressed the wonderful design of our children in his seminar, "Teaching Boys And Other Children Who Would Rather Make Forts All Day". He highlighted the way boys, especially, find it difficult to learn in a classroom designed for doing seat work for long periods of time--quietly--without too much wiggling. He shared humorously about how homeschooling allows boys (and others :) to utilize their own learning style. He paced back and forth in front of the audience, becoming louder at times, and using hand movements like punching the air to speak. He was demonstrating how to keep a boy's attention. It was hysterical. I've remembered some of Pudewa's concepts like, some boys need competition to remain motivated. Others need a calm environment that is not busy with items all over the walls or too much noise in the atmosphere. They need to have the option to stand, lean or move while learning. I've been able to take his, and others' advice, and implement them in my home. We also employ brain breaks, and I try to listen to my children on how they feel they'd learn better.

 

Since kids are often the best judges of how they learn, their input is important...except when they feel they need candy between math and spelling (yes, that's been an "educational" request :) Oliver always asks for some physical activity before schoolwork. He enters the schoolroom by flipping his body over our reading chair and he sometimes bounces when he's telling me a story. Molly knows that she needs a quiet place to stay on task as the calling out of questions from her siblings throws her off. Emily's excitement for learning first thing in the morning is often squelched if she answers a question incorrectly. Her perfectionist quality makes it difficult for her to feel that it's okay to make mistakes and that she can still be successful the rest of the day. She needs verbal affirmation. Meghan desires a strict schedule and cannot be distracted by her loud, physical brother, who is calling for her to wrestle while she's working on English :) Gender is often a predictor of learning style, but not entirely. My daughters absolutely need quiet or even solitude and my son needs activity between each subject to get his brain functioning well. Once I figured out how my little students each focused best, I had to suppress my ideal of recreating the classrooms I had when I was teaching in traditional school. But, wow, did it ever wake me up to the fact that I hadn't fully been capable of applying this to my dear students who needed it just as much as my own children. There's a model for school, and it can be altered slightly, but it's difficult to apply these principles completely for each child.

 

 

The propensity for curriculum content is another difference between genders. My girls, for instance, all loved the stories in the Pathway Readers that I supplemented with their Sonlight readers. I was excited to share these sweet stories with my son, who was an emergent reader, but he became tired of "too many girl parts in there". When I'm planning a unit study, I know I must have active facets in the lessons for my son, while the girls love the crafty applications. Both my girls and boy enjoy movement and art, however, if I designed a study using only one aspect of learning, I'd have a dissatisfied student in the mix while the others would be okay with it. Subject matter is important as well. Our Little House Study was wonderful... as long as Pa's gun, hunting and log cabin building were emphasized for my boy. The girls were happy learning how to make bees wax candles and needlepoint.

Just as learning style and curriculum are considerations for different genders, performance expectations are also critical. If your first born is a girl and she reads at age three and your next child is a boy and he still doesn't even care about reading when he's seven, you have to decide if you're going to allow him the opportunity to learn at his own pace or place the same standard on him that you held for your daughter. It may be the other way around in your family and that is the fantastic diversity God has created in children! In Oliver's case, his fine-motor skills developed at an earlier age than his sisters, while decoding words took longer. I must accept whatever level each of my children is at without comparison to the sibling above them.

 

Fortunately, home education grants opportunity for the prosperity of your children when it applies to gender. As a parent, you are in the position to know your children well and search out the best curriculum, environment and activities to suit their genders. Enjoy the richness that accompanies your boys and girls! 

 

 

 

Christian Women And Beauty (Part Two)

She's standing nearly as tall as I am and she's holding a tiny green dress on a hanger in front of her.

 

 A bubbly twenty-something store clerk strolls past and flatters, "That's so cute! It would look great on you!"

 

I manage a small smile but I really don't want to encourage her comments right now. I check the price tag. Nope, not too expensive; can't use that as my excuse. I actually have to get "into it" with my daughter again and have that conversation. She's gazing at me with those big doe eyes and my thoughts are racing as to how I'm going to approach this one, again, without it becoming a difficult banter.

You see, my lovely teenager has always had different taste in clothing than I, not to mention room décor, and ideas about... well, just about everything. The Lord has taught me over the years, that He has created this girl to be exactly, wonderfully, perfectly, different than He made me. Being my first and a female child, that was a difficult learning curve. How silly, right? Well, I'm a slow learner sometimes. I have come a long way and now honour, encourage and even like some of her choices. I love her for who she  is. However, we're treading upon new territory now--conformity.

 

Homeschooling is not a barrier that blocks out the world (unless you never leave home). My children are still exposed to all that the culture blares at them, whether my husband and I like it or not. Images, ideals, and temptation for consumerism are targeted even at pre-teens. We are a family that rarely watches television and owns only family rated movies, or Christian ones, and we don't buy fashion magazines. It's evident there's enough to view outside our home to keep our kids abreast of the trends of our culture. And so I stand in the middle of Forever 21, deciding on what is appropriate for a fourteen year-old.

 

A wise woman once counseled me to allow my daughters to dress in a way that declares their unique personality but to set a standard of modesty that they are very clear on. I took her advice seriously and my husband and I agreed upon certain guidelines and shared them with our children. Although my normally prudent teenager has no desire to flaunt herself, still the limits are pushed when it comes to conformity.  The trends of today are not modest and we struggle to find stylish clothing that is suitable for her age and does not attract obvious attention to her body shape. 

 

She's campaigning now, "The neckline is high, and just look at how loose it is." 

 

I've been quietly considering my words as it's the length of the dress that concerns me. I conclude that the best option is to have her try it on and do the fingertip test. She is happy but hesitant as she notices my lack of enthusiasm. I remind myself the girl certainly gets her affinity for clothing from her mother. Even though the mall is not my favourite place to be, I do like to keep up with the styles to a degree so I sympathize with my teen. But it is also important that I maintain the same standards myself  as an example to her and her siblings. She emerges from the dressing room two minutes later, tugging insidiously at the hem. I simply shake my head and ask her to bend over. She knows at this point that's going to end this whole operation. We settle on a pair of jeans she had tried on earlier and the Sunday dress is left for another day. 

 

Thankfully, my daughter is confident and knows we think she's beautiful. She also knows she doesn't need to reveal her body to receive attention that will ultimately dishonor her. She knows she's created in God's image. For now, my prayer is that my girl would adhere to our standards but that she would ultimately listen to God's voice. We may find that as she does, her choices look a little different than the ones we had set. I will have to learn to trust as she grows that she truly is hearing Him and let her decisions be her own. At the moment, I am learning how to minimize conflict and find loving ways to administer  reasonable guidelines for our daughter.

 

What about you? Are you in the middle of the teen years? Do you have any creative ideas for helping kids stick to what's godly rather than what the culture is telling them to do? I'd love to hear your thoughts even if you don't have a teen :)

 

 

It's been a very long time since I wrote part one of this topic. Each time I check what readers are searching for on my blog, the number one post is that one. If you haven't read it, you can view it here.
 

Eight, With A Little Spice

A crash in the other room gives me a jolt as I stir the pasta sauce. I freeze and listen for tears, laughter, screaming or all of the above. When giggles erupt, my body relaxes and I resign to the thought that these two rough-and-tumblers need to release some energy after their school work is done. A minute later, Emily and her little brother enter the kitchen by rolling over each other.

 

 I taste-test the sauce and it's just the right amount of spicy--just like my girl. Like gentle oregano, she can add flavour to a group of children who are looking for something to do. Leave her with them long enough and all that cajun comes out and she's got the whole room dancing or engaged in  hide-and-seek in the dark, complete with sound effects so kids can be easily found. 

She turned eight the other day. Does that seem little to you? Because this small package already shares with us her desire to go to Africa, how she longs to live there and be with the people. Last year she told us she wishes she was black and she has dreams at night of passing out food for orphans. I imagine her at twenty and she's not home with me but out in the world, learning how fantastically God created various people groups and how she'll love and appreciate them. She has a philanthropist's heart but I think she already senses there's more her recipients will offer her. 

 

We celebrate her birthday with a cupcake party. Her friends, siblings and cousins ice theirs amidst giggles. She's behaving with wit and sillyness and maturity at the same time. She's the fragrance of a little girl who's growing up too quickly for my taste but I release these feelings with the gentle nudging of God's assurance that He's "got her back". I'm praising God for her life in the biggest way as little voices begin to sing "Happy Birthday, dear Emily".

You amaze me, sweet girl. You are exactly what the Lord had planned when He loaned you to us. I pray you always seek His will in your adventures that lie ahead. I love you, my dear eight year old. Yes, you can finally travel without your booster seat :)

Come To The Carnival

She couldn't contain herself. She'd been counting down for weeks when the day of her party finally arrived and her giggles spilled over like the bubblebath I bought her. Her friends and cousins numbered ten--just the number she turned (plus one little brother). I threw a carnival together that morning and she and the other kids spent the afternoon running from activity to activity earning tickets (cooperatively) for their goodie bag items.

Wet Sponge Toss

Emily--Ticket Master :)

Clothespin Drop

Ping-Pong Squirt

Things got a little wet :)

Searching for buried treasure.

Eureka!

Nursery visit to search for particular staff (who have tickets hidden in their pockets!).

Found you, Aunt Leanne!

Found you, Cousin Nicole!

Found you, Cousin Kaitlyn!

Best Girls :)

Happy Birthday, my lovely little lady! You are a gentle, precious soul and Daddy and I love you very much.

May God bless you abundantly as you serve Him daily.