Entombed

Entombed and protected in ice, our world now sparkles with the calm and light after the storm. A little like life, don't you think?

Christian Women And Beauty (Part Two)

She's standing nearly as tall as I am and she's holding a tiny green dress on a hanger in front of her.

 

 A bubbly twenty-something store clerk strolls past and flatters, "That's so cute! It would look great on you!"

 

I manage a small smile but I really don't want to encourage her comments right now. I check the price tag. Nope, not too expensive; can't use that as my excuse. I actually have to get "into it" with my daughter again and have that conversation. She's gazing at me with those big doe eyes and my thoughts are racing as to how I'm going to approach this one, again, without it becoming a difficult banter.

You see, my lovely teenager has always had different taste in clothing than I, not to mention room décor, and ideas about... well, just about everything. The Lord has taught me over the years, that He has created this girl to be exactly, wonderfully, perfectly, different than He made me. Being my first and a female child, that was a difficult learning curve. How silly, right? Well, I'm a slow learner sometimes. I have come a long way and now honour, encourage and even like some of her choices. I love her for who she  is. However, we're treading upon new territory now--conformity.

 

Homeschooling is not a barrier that blocks out the world (unless you never leave home). My children are still exposed to all that the culture blares at them, whether my husband and I like it or not. Images, ideals, and temptation for consumerism are targeted even at pre-teens. We are a family that rarely watches television and owns only family rated movies, or Christian ones, and we don't buy fashion magazines. It's evident there's enough to view outside our home to keep our kids abreast of the trends of our culture. And so I stand in the middle of Forever 21, deciding on what is appropriate for a fourteen year-old.

 

A wise woman once counseled me to allow my daughters to dress in a way that declares their unique personality but to set a standard of modesty that they are very clear on. I took her advice seriously and my husband and I agreed upon certain guidelines and shared them with our children. Although my normally prudent teenager has no desire to flaunt herself, still the limits are pushed when it comes to conformity.  The trends of today are not modest and we struggle to find stylish clothing that is suitable for her age and does not attract obvious attention to her body shape. 

 

She's campaigning now, "The neckline is high, and just look at how loose it is." 

 

I've been quietly considering my words as it's the length of the dress that concerns me. I conclude that the best option is to have her try it on and do the fingertip test. She is happy but hesitant as she notices my lack of enthusiasm. I remind myself the girl certainly gets her affinity for clothing from her mother. Even though the mall is not my favourite place to be, I do like to keep up with the styles to a degree so I sympathize with my teen. But it is also important that I maintain the same standards myself  as an example to her and her siblings. She emerges from the dressing room two minutes later, tugging insidiously at the hem. I simply shake my head and ask her to bend over. She knows at this point that's going to end this whole operation. We settle on a pair of jeans she had tried on earlier and the Sunday dress is left for another day. 

 

Thankfully, my daughter is confident and knows we think she's beautiful. She also knows she doesn't need to reveal her body to receive attention that will ultimately dishonor her. She knows she's created in God's image. For now, my prayer is that my girl would adhere to our standards but that she would ultimately listen to God's voice. We may find that as she does, her choices look a little different than the ones we had set. I will have to learn to trust as she grows that she truly is hearing Him and let her decisions be her own. At the moment, I am learning how to minimize conflict and find loving ways to administer  reasonable guidelines for our daughter.

 

What about you? Are you in the middle of the teen years? Do you have any creative ideas for helping kids stick to what's godly rather than what the culture is telling them to do? I'd love to hear your thoughts even if you don't have a teen :)

 

 

It's been a very long time since I wrote part one of this topic. Each time I check what readers are searching for on my blog, the number one post is that one. If you haven't read it, you can view it here.
 

Christian Women And Beauty

(Mama and her girls)



She finishes painting my last toe and we continue talking as she motions for me to lie down on her cozy, pillowed aesthetics table. She begins to apply warm wax to my eyebrows while I recall an experience I had earlier. As I share, she erupts with genuine, belly laughter and I try not to, just in case I mess up the wax on my face. 

I come to visit Rebecca because she has become my friend and she is a Christian, but I wrestle with being a spa-go-er. I tell her I'm "low-maintenance" and that she probably won't be seeing me here for awhile since I don't "keep up" with my beauty treatments on a regular basis. She asks why and I stand dumb-founded with partial Scriptures running through my mind about not adorning the body and focusing on "self", etc., etc. But at the moment, standing there with my friend, they don't seem to be adequate. Rebecca uses her aesthetics business as a ministry and prays over and for each client, boldy proclaiming Christ. There is no doubt that God has called her to her little practice for such a time as this, for the women who frequent her spa. But, if she is called to minister to women through beauty treatments, "what makes it wrong for Christians to receive those beauty treatments?" Rebecca appeals to me. "My non-Christian clients will pay double the money to come here than my Christian clients. I don't understand. What makes it wrong for a woman to take care of herself?"

We hug goodbye and I make my way to my car, cautiously stepping over stones in the parking lot, as not to smudge my nail-polished toes peeking out of flip-flops. I'm left to think about why I, as well some other Christian women I know, feel we don't deserve? need? desire? should? take care of our bodies in a way that makes them beautiful. Barring the cost of aesthetics, what are other reasons why Christian women wouldn't have ugly old skin removed from their feet, or their faces cleared of impurities? If a woman is not into coloured fingernails, what would be so wrong about having her nails cleaned up and protected with a good clear coat? As Rebecca mentioned, money is not an object for many of her Christian clients so she desires to have a defined answer for why "God's Girls" can't look beautiful, clean and well taken care of. Aren't we His temple? Would the world want to join the "family" when so many of us are unconcerned with how we're being viewed? Of course, inner beauty is of utmost importance, and outer beauty shouldn't be an idol, but how are we Christian women coming across to the world? How does it appear that God is taking care of His women? These questions loll through my mind as I turn up the street to my home. I know that I have just a bit of the attitude that Rebecca is talking about. 

I curl up in a favourite chair with some popcorn and begin to think hard. I remember lying on my tummy as a little girl, on my mom's bed, chin resting in my palms as I watched her getting ready for a date with my dad. I was mesmerized by how she applied her make-up just so, and how she curled her hair with that butane curling iron that didn't need a plug. She wore a criss-crossy, wrap-around, floral dress that was very flattering and lovely to me. She sprayed herself with perfume and I knew that when I grew up, I was going to make myself gorgeous for my husband too. On Sundays, my mom would adorn my sisters' and my braids with satin ribbons and she would paint our nails once in awhile. On Saturday nights, she would wrap and clip sponge rollers in our hair and we'd sleep ever so stiffly, as not to pull out our precious curlers before morning. She often dressed us alike and everywhere we went, people commented on how cute we looked. We felt so feminine when my mom spent time showing us what to do with our long locks or dirty-from-playing fingernails.

Everyone knew my mom was a godly woman and they told her often that she took such good care of her girls. To my knowledge, no one thought she had put too much effort into herself or us but instead, they appreciated the loveliness of her outward beauty, as well as her true, inward, love and concern for people. At a time in our lives when our finances were not an issue, my mom would make regular manicure and hair appointments. My dad liked it that way.

So what happened in my mind? Somehow, at some point in my life, I began to believe a Christian woman should not spend money to take care of her personal self, at least by a professional. I say that this is a belief, because I actually do get my hair cut and my husband loves to gift me with the odd manicure or pedicure. But I had convinced myself I was visiting the spa in support of my friend rather than doing something to beautify myself. Rebecca's question plagued me and I began to pray and ask the Lord what His thoughts on the matter were.

Before I continue, I'd like to hear your voice on the matter... and so would Rebecca. What do you think? If money were no object, would beauty treatments be a part of your weekly/monthly/yearly regimen? For those who already visit aestheticians, what are your reasons? As a woman who loves to be in bare feet year round, get very few haircuts, rarely go to the mall, and (gasp) let my brows grow in, I began to take pride in how "low-maintenance" I was. But was I just not caring about myself? Was my lack of care reflective of my inward thoughts of myself? What message was I sending my daughters?  Hmmm.

Please share, even if you haven't before :)

 

To read Part Two of Christian Women and Beauty click here.

Gratitude... because it's Monday and because every subject can be used for thanks :)

831. for non-judgmental friends

832. how God cares about providing answers when we ask genuinely

833. discovering new things about ourselves

834. an aesthetician who provides services for free because she says she wants to bless me

835. differences in women and no matter what the outcome of the above question, we will remain beautifully different.