Day Seven: Stretching Our Children

I was a shy child. I had plenty of friends, but I was shy with adults, sometimes painfully. I hated it when my mom made me call the pizza place, or pay for an item by myself in a store, or without warning, roll down my car window and get me to stop someone and ask for directions. She didn't just push me out of my comfort zone, she busted the bars off my self-protective little cell. Now, I am certain her encouragement toward confidence was coupled with prayer for me. Those prayers took that shy kid and grew her up and caused her to do the same for her own children. Overcoming the fear of talking to adults moved me to independence and eventually to large group public speaking several times!

 

It is this gentle nudging (or occasionally shoving) my little birds to step out of the comfort of the nest  that actually gives them the security that they really can soar. About a year ago, Meg thanked me for helping her to become a strong person. She felt that a no-nonsense approach, mixed with love was what stretched her and allowed her to face her fears when it would have been easier to run the other way.  I learned from my mom--I can't do it alone--and I wouldn't dare. The joy of the Lord is their strength. He is their refuge and strength. His name is a strong tower and they are safe when they run to Him. I tell them this so they don't have to be afraid that they are alone in any intimidating ventures. And so, it is with some trepidation and lots of prayer, that my children sing solos, play lead roles in dramas, give speeches and step in when Grandma is not well and play the piano for Friendship Club worship time :)

Our last Friendship night of the year so a proud momma had her camera ;)

 

Some little souls might need a more gradual approach as they step into independence, and that's okay. Each Momma must pray for God to reveal just how much stretching their children should sustain as they grow and learn. As they age and hear God's voice for themselves and discover His plan for them, I pray they'll be equipped to say yes, with assurance. Public speaking and solos are not the calling for every child, however, I encourage my children to accept what is requested of them as service to Jesus and their community. I'm thankful that in my experience, a little push goes a long way in creating kiddos who eventually exclaim, "I can do it!" or "I'll try!"

 

Grandpa asked Meg to learn about six songs in 2 hours (because in my husband's family, they push from the nest too :)  She was nervous and didn't think it would go well, but she told me she wanted to add this to her list of tough things she has tried. It was worth saying yes. A few bumps ensued, but nevertheless, a great job and a room full of developmentally challenged people clapped hard and proudly for her :) 





Day Twenty-Three: Dealing With Negative Opinions

"They came over again last night," she lamented, yanking a piece of thread from the hem of her skirt.

 

"Who?" I asked.

 

"My in-laws and it was awful."

 

I turned a little more toward my friend and sunk lower into the couch cushions so she'd know I was in for the listening long-haul. "Oh, no," I sympathized, "They're still verbalizing their disagreement of you homeschooling?"

 

"Yep, and this time they asked if they could take a look at test scores for all three kids! I'm starting to feel like I'm in this alone. My husband won't stand up to his parents and I'm afraid I'm going to buckle under all the pressure. They live way too close for us to escape it." She ran her fingers through her long blond hair and blew out a big sigh.

 

This scenario is all too familiar. I've heard many women attribute one of their biggest stresses to the judgment of others concerning their homeschooling. Family and friends, who are likely truly concerned for the welfare of the children, feel it's necessary to voice their opinions. Sometimes they're unsure of the ability of the parent to educate the children, or they are worried about socialization, or they're afraid the children may never get back to school (after this little experiment). Since I have homeschooling sisters, my husband's support, fabulous in-laws who've never meddled in my kids' education, and I taught in elementary schools, I do not personally receive a lot of criticism. However, I take every opportunity to lift up my fellow homeschoolers by educating people on the fact that the moms I know who are not officially trained, are amazing teachers for their children.

 

 

So, what's a mom to do when she's questioned about her educational choice? First of all, I believe it's essential that she pray for strength. This is the only thing that will get her through and give her just the right words to speak when faced with criticism. God will not only soften hearts over time but He'll give her innovative ideas and answers to discussions that arise about her schooling. Second, it's important for her to be confident in knowing that no one on this earth is more equipped to look after her children's learning than she is. Is every mother called exactly in this way? Not necessarily. But the mom who loves her children, desires to help them succeed in their learning, researches how best to educate them, and is willing to sacrifice what it takes to homeschool, certainly is! Will these reasons always cause her to perform well? Again, not necessarily. But, as I've mentioned in earlier posts, God's wisdom and her yielded heart will make all the difference. Third, her preparedness will demonstrate serious effort against wishy-washy schooling. Remember "Anita Shoiya"? She was armed and ready with potential field trips, groups for the kids to be involved in, curriculum options, where she might outsource subjects that aren't her expertise, and a possible schedule. Annie (a.k.a. Anita), has proven to be an effective homeschooler despite her husband's initial concerns. Now he brags about her :)  Having said that, I don't believe it's always necessary to have to prove oneself. If God has given her the desire, ability and opportunity to homeschool, then she need not substantiate all she does to every interrogator. If her husband is on board, she's already ahead of the game (If he's not allowing her to even consider homeschooling, I wrote about it here).

 

Unfortunately, sometimes the questions are incessant from family members and if her husband is not advocating for her, a great response is to invite the "concerned parties" to come to a Grandparents' Day or Open House she and the children have prepared. If she senses that this is a direction to take, she may want to make it big and invite supportive friends who understand her choice and can mix in with the family, sharing their pleasure over the children's projects and artwork (or whatever she displays for all to enjoy). An evening gathering like this may be just the thing to put their fears to rest. It's here, they'll begin to understand why she has chosen not to administer tests for her kids, for example, as they can clearly see their level of workmanship. If the nay-sayers live far away and are still managing to control or disrespect from a distance, she may want to consider emailing photos periodically or starting a blog like this one to keep the family updated on what the children are working on. It only takes a few photos of their activities, field trips, friends and a few lines explaining what's going on for some of the questions to dissipate. Again, this is only if the Lord prompts her, otherwise, she's merely justifying herself and it may not be fruitful.

 

Fortunately, if God has placed her in this position for such a time as this, He'll do the work of bringing peace in the situation through prayer and His timing. Her diligence and the children's excitement over what they're learning, should allow for more meaningful discussions that don't end in conflict but curiosity... and eventually agreement. She should never forget that ultimately, the decision to homeschool is all about the lives of her little people and that she needs only to please her Creator. 

 

Moved By History

She re-reads the last sentence slowly and wipes her nose. Lowering the book, she meets my gaze and is reassured that I am also aching with sympathy for the main character of the book she's reading to me. Meg was drowing in sorrow over Elli Friedmann's plight and so, with a quiver in her voice, she began to narrate how Elli dragged her wounded mother and brother off the train while the Germans shot at them and their companions. Too much for the young girl in this true story to deal with, too much for Meghan, and apparently, too much for me.

My daughter and I sit across from each other and the two of us quietly weep as Meghan continues. She's taken my place, today, as out-loud-reader and it seems natural. We connect not only with like emotion but also with an understanding that we're both grappling with this senseless evil and can't do anything but cry. She's grown up enough to share this moment with me and I recognize that she has the potential to change the world with her anger against injustice and to live out Jesus' command to help set captives free with the love of God. It's why He sent His Son.

She gathers the strength to deliver the final chapter and I silently pray she'll see beyond prevailing entitlement of North American culture and desire to be more, to do what she's been called to do. She's being moved by history and God has created her to be stirred in this way.

He has shown you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God? Micah 6:8

Seeker

We found her this way, at bedtime prayers, all tucked up in her window sill. She was poring over her Answers magazine, taking in more and more evidence for Creation. She has a strong will, this one; they say that quality develops a leader. We're witnessing it already and though it's been a struggle to figure out how to parent this beauty, we are overwhelmed with thankfulness for how she is maturing. That desire for control and demand for reasons for our decisions, have caused her to search things out for herself. Her conclusion? ...that an all-powerful God has created her and designed this world and that she has a very profound purpose in her life.

May you always keep seeking, Meghan, because it will lead you closer to your Maker and clarify the path you are to walk.