Tuesday, September 27, 2011

What Kind Of Wife Are You?

It's coming September 30th and we've all been waiting. The movie, Courageous, is finally being released in theatres here in Canada and we're looking forward to the miracles that will undoubtedly occur in men around the country. You see, we women are always looking for a way to slip that book or movie to our husbands. That Scripture verse that reminds them that they're not measuring up in the "Spiritual Headship" department. Perhaps they're mediocre fathers. And they'll come to view this movie, if we can get them out the door, and they will be changed. I'm confident in God's purpose and power in this venue.

But a close friend of mine, who had seen the premiere and raved about it said to me, "Now, who is going to be brave enough to make a movie about bossy and self-righteous wives?!"

We can all step back and take inventory of our wifely character. Some are humble and mature and if you're one of those women, this post isn't for you! (but you would do well to find one of the women I write about and mentor them, please!). If the rest of us are truly honest about how we treat our husbands, what we demand of them and how we fight to prove how right we are, we'll have to admit that every inch of it is sin. Oh, how we want it to be all about them!

I lived with this attitude for many years. At 17 years of marriage, I can say that the Lord has had to discipline me lovingly (albeit the hard way) to become more Christ-like. Man, were they some tough lessons! I praise God that I can stand on the other side of that attitude and recognize the ugliness. Do I fall back into that behaviour and thinking? Yes, sometimes, but I notice it immediately, and if I'm allowing the Holy Spirit to be my guide, I quickly repent and God graciously redeems.

As wives, all we desire is to have loving and fulfilling relationships with our husbands. We desire affection and a feeling of being cherished by them. We want to know they are growing closer to God so that they can lead us in a godly way. Deep down, we don't want to be the boss! Sadly, the very thing we desire, we tear down the possibility with our own hands (Proverbs 14:1). However, past hurts cause us to become control-freaks or, in some cases, we believe we must take over because our husbands are too weak to lead. Obviously, I can't deal with layers of issues in one small post but what I do know is that I've been there and God's grace has set me free! I'm no longer the woman and wife I once was. He can set you free as well and help you to understand your role and how to give your husband to Him to take care of. God desires even more than you to see your husband become the man he's meant to be. My husband can attest to this as well and has been moved incredibly by the Lord, and the change in me made it a whole lot easier for him!

I once heard in a message on marriage that  instead of controlling and changing our husbands, our job is to help them hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant!" Is that your goal today? Or do you behave as though your man was put on this earth to make you happy and secure? What kind of wife are you? May the Lord open your eyes as you seek His face. May He bless you as you allow yourself to be humbled and changed in a powerful and wonderful way that actually works for you so much more than what you're currently experiencing.

The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.  Proverbs 14:1


Brandee Shafer said...

Admittedly, I have a long way to go. But, regarding the words in your last paragraph, a friend once explained gently to me that my husband is accountable to God for my actions. It's my husband's responsibility to make sure I'm doing what I ought. Of course, I want my husband to be found blameless where I'm concerned.

Can be tricky to remember in the heat of the moment, though. Woo! (I'm a rebel being broken down, slowly.)

Heather said...

Brandee, thank you! Definitely we are all responsible to some degree for the reactions of those around us, especially if we are leaders of them in some way. As wives, we will stand before God will enough responsibility of our own too!
I love how you said that you want to be found blameless when it comes to your husband. Such a profound, difficult, but beautiful thing, isn't it?

Wanting What I Have said...

Thank you so much for writing this! Such true words. An encouragement I need to be reminded of.

jeana said...

You know I love this post! And you know God has definitely been working with me on all of this. Funny thing is when we stop trying to measure our husbands to where we want them to be and let God work through us, we (I) realize that I have a long way to go myself. So, ultimately God working on ME is Him working on my husband. A very humbling place to be. I love your heart and your love and respect for your husband and family! And yes, I'd love to see a movie about wives ;)

Camille said...

Lovely post my friend. May the LORD indeed be glorified in ALL we do!! May we all allow HIM to work good in us!!

Love to you!