Day One of Thirty Days of Prayer: He Was There

Those older boys took advantage of me and I was the one who felt guilty, like I had somehow invited their inappropriate actions. I was eight the first time and ten the next. Both my parents have been married three times each. I didn't see my dad for seven years so my grandpa walked me down the aisle on my wedding day. I don't need to elaborate for you to imagine all the confusion, anger, sadness, and sometimes happiness that wraps around a kid going through years of those changes. I moved twenty-one times. I attended eight different schools. I have watched more pets die in tragic ways than I can count. I have been a passenger in six car accidents--one that left me hospitalized with a broken pelvis, a broken bone in my back, and stitches in my head at the age of sixteen. I've lost a couple of friends to vehicle crashes. I've experienced miscarriage. I broke my foot on my honeymoon. I've watched family suffer with terrible diseases and die. I've experienced a deeply difficult time in my marriage that scared me ferociously. Why am I writing all of this? Certainly not to draw attention to negative events in my life, or to elicit pity from my dear reader. I desire to proclaim that prayer has set me free from the chains that could easily have burdened me for the rest of my life. 

 

I am not the only one who has a story. Millions of people have lived through even more devastating loss and trauma than me. However, I will always take the opportunity to give God the praise for seeing that little girl forty-three years ago, holding her through the pain and twirling her around in a beautiful dance in the joyful moments. I always knew Jesus was there, that He loved me and that prayer shifted me from sorrow to joy, bad circumstances to good. Whether it was the prayers of my mom, grandma, a neighbour, the church family, a stranger, or me calling out to Him from my bunk bed, quivering under my Holly Hobbie quilt, those desperate, faithful pleas moved the heart of God.

Most of my thirty or thirty-one day blog series are intended to keep me accountable and for me to learn as I write rather than stand on my soapbox and teach like an expert. I hope you'll join me as I grow in prayer over the month of November. I've already seen miracles from "knee time", but I pray these next 30 days will cause an exponential impact on any eyes that fall on these posts or any person who is a recipient of all of our prayers together.

Grace Laced

I fluffed the pillow beneath my elbow as I watched her hands move in tandem with aching words, describing the years I'd missed. We'd been friends since grade eight but had lost touch in recent and apparently, difficult years. She'd experienced pain through admittedly unwise choices but also through horrible injustices forced on her by others. This beautiful woman wiped her tears with the corner of the napkin from the fancy little lunch she'd prepared on a silver platter. I clasped her flailing hand in mine and shook my head at the trauma she'd endured. How could one person face so much? I leaned back against pillows that matched her one room apartment and sighed. I wished I'd known, that I could have helped... something.

 

But as we talked, I noticed more and more that my friend's words were laced with grace. Her suffering had drawn her closer to God, not pushed her further from Him. Her resolve in believing He had a better plan for her future was her theme. It wasn't false hope or Christian clichés, but she truly knew all along that the Lord, whom she'd been raised to fear as a harsh judge over her every move, was actually a loving Father who'd been protecting her mind and heart all those years. Although, anger arose in her from time to time, she ultimately spoke lovingly of those who've wronged her and she desires for them to have God's goodness too. I sat breathless.--amazed, but not surprised, at how our awesome God kept my friend from falling into unforgiveness and bitterness--both of which only hurt the one feeling them.

stopping for a photo in the rainy streets of Toronto

a beautiful garden stairway

little markets along her neighbourhood (she's embarrassed at all the pics I took of her--making up for lost time :)

another lovely yard and home

what a splendid pathway to one's front door!

trying to identify these flowers (oh, Terry where are you when I need you?)

gateway to a gorgeous backyard

huge gardens in bloom and well-manicured 

standing in front of Casa Loma, which is just down the street from my dear friend

saying goodbye and heading home after promises of meeting again soon--so thankful for God-connections and His timing--so grateful for His redemption of our pasts!

Dear Children

Dear Children,

The days seem long, don't they? But you'll be growing up and you'll look back and feel like childhood was actually such a small piece of your life. You'll have responsibilities that are big and important. You'll be venturing out on your own and caring for others through your work, your ministries, and your own families. You might wonder where the carefree days disappeared to as you struggle to understand a suffering world and how you can be an agent of change for God.

(hand-holding as they walk? unprompted and unaware of me--love it)

As your mother, I'm endeavoring to lengthen your days, teaching you to drink life in, worship the Creator and notice the tiny details of His world. Our life isn't perfect but you're learning to love each other and to remember Who is guiding you. You already have compassion for others. I'm thankful for that. I love these times we are living through together, and so I jot down your funny sayings and your inquisitive conversations with me. I snap photos of your growing bodies and changing faces. I want to remind you one day how blessed and lovely these days were--the preparatory days.

The Bible says the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. I'm praying that you will always have a healthy fear of Him, that you'll hear His voice and obey it--that I'll obey it, as I walk this road with you. I'm so grateful for Daddy, who also joins me in creating a loving and disciplined youth for all of you. When you see me mess up this parenting thing, know that I'm human and flawed and that I still love you and am seeking forgiveness from the Lord and from you, to begin again. It's that wisdom from Him that leads me to be able to do this.  

 

I pray that mentors will come alongside you as you journey. The Lord sent me many, and if I humbled myself to take their advice, my path seemed so much easier. One such mentor was my mom, your "Mama". She taught me to have a relationship with Jesus and to love people fiercely. Embrace this heritage and that of your other grandparents too and you won't lose your way. God gave them to you as examples of how to carry out His purposes and to help your fellow humans. They do this well.

 

 

When life gets tough, and it will, remember we were never promised things would always be easy, only that God would carry us in His arms. If you never let go of that knowledge, you'll feel Him, actually feel His arms tangibly around you when you're unable to understand why you're encountering hardship. I know this because I've been there. I believe I could feel Him in moments of despair because of my history of practicing prayer, worship, writing down thanksgiving and answers to prayer.  I was taught to remind myself when life was easy that God is good. As a result, I simply knew it as truth when life wasn't easy. 

I love you, my "babies". You're growing up so quickly. Sometimes I stop in my busyness and just stare at you and whisper gratitude that you're mine. I'm sorry I don't always articulate this to you, but it's true. You're talented, beautiful, kind and already fulfilling your purposes on earth, as God reveals them to you. Young people are valuable and being used by God too! May you always love the Lord with all your hearts and love your neighbor as yourself.

I adore you, every one of you.

Love, Mommy