Day Twenty-Six: Sticks And Stones

Ever been astounded by a particular prayer? The one that blows my mind is when Jesus, beaten and tortured, hanging on a cross, and struggling for air, cried out, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." (Luke 23:34) Could I beg God to go easy on my enemy? When someone has wounded with words and actions and spread false accusations about me? Could I utter the same request? Stephen, as he was being martyred, had learned from his Lord, and he pleaded a similar appeal. (Acts 7:60) These were murders. Sticks and stones injure the body, but how much more should I pray forgiveness for those who name-call or judge? 

Besides the prayer to receive Jesus into your life, this one seems of paramount significance. The Lord told us to forgive others so that God will forgive us. (Matthew 6:14) That alone causes me to inquire of Him to reveal anyone I may not have released in my heart from past or present wrongs. Is there someone you haven't forgiven? Pray the prayer today that will set you free from the bondage of grudge-holding. It's ugly, and a big waste of time. Names and words do hurt, however, God restores relationships and wounded hearts. 

 When my old hobbies become useful to my kids! It's wasn't a waste of money :)

Day Twenty-Two: Counting Credits and Blessings

After the last bang of fireworks blasted through the night air, I made the kids turn around for a photo. We had rushed to the next town to catch what was left of the Victoria Day show and that meant pulling over at the side of the road and climbing onto the truck to get any type of view. As my children turned toward me, Oliver shoved from his side and Emily nearly fell off her end. It was quite the spectacle as crowds of firecracker fans bustled past, racing to their cars to beat the predictable traffic rush. I ordered my kids to just sit nicely and, for Pete's sake, stop arguing. But in the dark, after my flash faded, I laughed to myself and counted my blessings--all four of them. 

Proposing that we're not like other families and that we are always kind and generous does no one any good. I stand with my mouth agape at the way my children can behave in public, and they are quite astonished, I'm sure, at the way I can behave at home. I'm more civilized in public ;) The truth is, we all struggle to follow Jesus, and I'm just so thankful (in case I haven't mentioned it here before) that His mercy toward me is from ever-lasting to ever-lasting. I need it. 

Besides counting blessings, we are doing a lot of credit counting as Meg's mind is constantly on her future and what she needs to enroll in her desired university. These discussions can be intense as fears swell in waves as she attempts to steer the ship of her schooling. Now and then, she passes the wheel to me and we sit and count again. I pray for her to relax in knowing she's on the right track and that God has a plan for her life. We talk of kids she knows who are writing fewer essays but doing better in math. We look at the requirements for different schools and are set at ease in one area and bolstered in another. It's a time of deep emotion and excitement, of trepidation and elation all at once. I'm sharing it all with her, regardless of how tense it can become, and I count blessings as we count credits.

The Clock Will Strike Midnight...

I will dance with Cinderella while she is here in my arms,

 Cuz I know something the prince never knew. 

I will dance with Cinderella;

 I don't wanna miss even one song, 

Cuz all too soon the clock will strike midnight... 

and she'll be gone.

Steven Curtis Chapman 

Cinderella jewelry box from Mama

She turned sixteen and I became hyper-aware that my time with her is slipping through my fingers. Moments of tension or simply busy days cause me to wince a little more because life as I know it with my big girl is fleeting. As God redeems the time and I focus carefully on intentionally loving this kiddo just as she needs me to, her memories of home will be sweet. He'll use the questionable parenting moments for her good as she gives herself to Him and understands He has a purpose for her. His protection and provision for her will come to light in her mind. All of our mistakes will fade as she recognizes the brightness of God's perfect parenting like a screen in front of it all. I don't have to fear that in my humanness I've "spoiled" her, even though I lay my head down sometimes and regret that conversation, that allowance I shouldn't have given in to. I don't have to regret when I was too harsh. He forgives, she forgives, I am free to begin again and she will use it all to become an even more fabulous person.

The faces she makes me do!

Our prayers for her will and are coming to fruition and this girl, this young woman, is teaching me what it's like to love and let go. Man, can she really be an extension of me and yet be so very different? Her own person? I've denied it for so long. She's all God's and I'm thankful to have the privilege of watching Him raise her along the way, grateful He forgives my errors and celebrates when I'm in line with His will. 

Now a recipient of Blessing Day, instead of one of my givers :)

She's got her own style.

Finally reading the letter she's waited for since she was a tiny girl.

"Aunt" Linette wrote it for her about when I was 16 and she couldn't open it until that very birthday! Linette was my best friend in highschool and she knew a lot about me. She felt Meg needed to know that me :)  A very precious keepsake!

Family tradition on birthday nights: ice cream at Yogurty's

A few of my kiddo's friends, who happened to be standing around after our morning service. 

They call her "the Albino" ;)

God bless you this year, my ever-loved oldest girl. You make me so thankful to be your momma. Truly, you teach me how to stay on my toes and how to relax and let things go. I love you and pray this is your best year yet!

Grace Laced

I fluffed the pillow beneath my elbow as I watched her hands move in tandem with aching words, describing the years I'd missed. We'd been friends since grade eight but had lost touch in recent and apparently, difficult years. She'd experienced pain through admittedly unwise choices but also through horrible injustices forced on her by others. This beautiful woman wiped her tears with the corner of the napkin from the fancy little lunch she'd prepared on a silver platter. I clasped her flailing hand in mine and shook my head at the trauma she'd endured. How could one person face so much? I leaned back against pillows that matched her one room apartment and sighed. I wished I'd known, that I could have helped... something.

 

But as we talked, I noticed more and more that my friend's words were laced with grace. Her suffering had drawn her closer to God, not pushed her further from Him. Her resolve in believing He had a better plan for her future was her theme. It wasn't false hope or Christian clichés, but she truly knew all along that the Lord, whom she'd been raised to fear as a harsh judge over her every move, was actually a loving Father who'd been protecting her mind and heart all those years. Although, anger arose in her from time to time, she ultimately spoke lovingly of those who've wronged her and she desires for them to have God's goodness too. I sat breathless.--amazed, but not surprised, at how our awesome God kept my friend from falling into unforgiveness and bitterness--both of which only hurt the one feeling them.

stopping for a photo in the rainy streets of Toronto

a beautiful garden stairway

little markets along her neighbourhood (she's embarrassed at all the pics I took of her--making up for lost time :)

another lovely yard and home

what a splendid pathway to one's front door!

trying to identify these flowers (oh, Terry where are you when I need you?)

gateway to a gorgeous backyard

huge gardens in bloom and well-manicured 

standing in front of Casa Loma, which is just down the street from my dear friend

saying goodbye and heading home after promises of meeting again soon--so thankful for God-connections and His timing--so grateful for His redemption of our pasts!

For Keeps

 

I folded the poem entitled "Day Twenty" and looked up, with tears brimming, at my husband of twenty years. His eyes were moist too and suddenly, twenty-five years of knowing one another culminated in this moment. Through sickness and health, through beginning with little and paying off debt, through four babies and sleepless nights, through misunderstanding and anger and passion, through fierce and protective love, through living in apathy as Christians to trying to seek God with our whole hearts, we've traversed together. Our mutual gaze was wrought with memories and a deep knowing that this is it--we're playing for keeps--and only by God's grace have we been kept.

 

Every evening for twenty days leading up to our anniversary, Terry had written a silly or romantic poem, coupled with a gift that signified his love for me, us, or our family. The gifts were sometimes tangible, a couple were  activities, or something he'd do for me. But, each one was thoughtfully planned out and greatly appreciated by me. He clasped my hand. Tonight was the grand finale of that anniversary planning and he desired to celebrate our forgiveness toward each other which is the beautiful act commanded by God that is part of His keeping grace we've experienced. All the gifts, all the poems and all of the thoughtfulness could not have matched the reality that our hearts were truly entwined because of our great God and His plan for us. We could see it so clearly. And celebrate we did!

 

 

 

In Quietness and Trust...

"This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:

'In repentance and rest is your salvation,

    in quietness and trust is your strength,

    but you would have none of it.'...

Therefore the Lord awaits to be gracious to you,

and therefore He exalts Himself to show mercy to you.

For the Lord is a God of justice;

blessed are all those who wait for Him."

(Isaiah 30:15, 18)

 

As we are to compare ourselves to Israel, God's chosen people, we can know that this promise is for us too. I don't ever want Him to say that I would have none of it. And so, we ventured once again to Kingfisher Bay for some of that quiet time (since sometimes home isn't so silent :) and discovered trust really is strength.

I grappled with a lot that weekend. My mouth is not always my best feature. Have you ever been caught in words that hurt another person? Sometimes, what I want to say and what actually comes out are two very different things. Oh how ugly I felt every time I walked by a mirror! I'm so thankful that after an intense moment of accountability, my lovely friend forgave me. The Lord disciplines those He loves and, my goodness, He must love me a lot! I'm grateful He doesn't let me get away with too much before it's exposed. Where would I be if it were any different? I shudder at the thought. Most importantly, I walk without shame because I've repented and I'm covered by His blood. Praise God.

 

(Loved spending time with my cousin Lisa, Mom and Aunt Diane this time!)