Waves of helplessness wash over me when I think about creating and keeping habits--good ones. There are so many I do keep but those don't seem to hold any weight with me right now. The ones that stand out, the ones I desperately need to introduce myself to in order to make this life much smoother, their lack screams at me daily. The small, seemingly insignificant, regular habits I desire, evade me somehow. I talk about them, pray about them, list-write them, try them out from time to time but I can't capture them and cage them as my own. I cried in the shower the other day because He spoke to me (I seem to do my best listening there.). The words were so clear, painful, and good:
"Obedience. Obedience is the only way to begin and maintain those beautiful habits." Really, Lord? It's obedience I struggle with? Not self-discipline, busyness, stress? No other excuses? Keep pressing on me, Lord; keep the sorrow over disobedience strong in me. Let it move me to obedience so that all You have for me is closer for the receiving. I know that lovely and satisfying gifts await me with the faithful practice of small, sometimes monotonous, but always important habits.