Monday, November 21, 2011

I DON'T Want To Smile

I strolled into the kitchen this morning and quickly remembered my dishwasher is broken and we've all been too lazy to take the stinky dishes out and do them by hand. I immediately felt deflated. Not to worry for too long, I was determined to have a good school day and so I gathered my chicks in the school room to get started. Somehow, between the doorbell and poor attitudes and other distractions, we lost it. I decided on an early lunch break but, amidst the preparation, I attempted to make Christmas gifts and time got away on me. Four times today, I tried to upload photos on my computer and someone shut it down to do their own thing. Tears came to my eyes and I sunk into a chair, unable to see past the clutter all around me. On top of it all, I received an email from a friend, struggling in her marriage, that was very discouraging. I began feeling like I was losing control altogether. 

My husband arrived in the driveway with one of the tractors. He yelled into the house for me to come and lift him in the bucket up to the roof. He whistled and worked merrily on stringing the Christmas lights along the eaves troughs. His mood bugged me, especially when he noticed my sour expression. So, he called down to me, "Hi Heather!", which is what he calls me when he's being silly... and chipper. I didn't want to smile.

I began to cry out to God after a few hours of this overwhelming cloud of despair. In His grace, He began (gently and slowly) to reveal ways in which I had received negativism in my day, how I accepted defeat. Instead, He wanted me to begin my day with Him, to be filled with His Spirit's contentment first. I blasted my worship music and immediately was uplifted by lyrics that empower the believer to persevere in trials and rest in God. How I ever attempted to face the day without that, I'll never know, and I don't want to try again.

It's nearly dinner and I'm filled with gratitude. I still have dishes, arguing children, and a friend in trouble, but the Lord is shining a light on my next step. The power He has to turn a mind from depressed to joy is only LOVE.


1056. a husband who is even-keeled in his moods
1057. happy, noisy, energetic children
1058. my health
1059. praise music
1060. Advent celebrations
1061. just enough light for the step I'm on... and the next
1062. bubble baths
1063. how He never changes, but He changes me


Erin said...

I can't tell you how much I have appreciated the just enough light He gives. And praise music?'s a must throughout my days.

I love the honesty of this post and just the peek into your day.

jeana said...

YES! How do we even get through a day...or an minute without bringing Him along? I'm glad you turned to Him and you were lifted up! Prayers for a smooth week with Him.

Nizar & Ema said...

Oh Heather ! you put tears in my eyes while I was reading your blog.
So touchy and true , we go through this almost every day , but always worship music and worship dance steps lift me up with God's amazing power and promises.
Hugs !

Allison said...

It is amazing how far a husband who is even-keeled in his moods can take us when we feel overwhelmed! Thanks for sharing.

Anna said...

Paul's always whistling and chipper too! Mondays can be very gloomy sometimes, yet through it all, we are able with God's grace to make a list of the many things we are grateful for.

Craig and Bethany said...

1056, one of God's best miracles. My Craig is the same way. Sort of defies gravity sometimes! Lovely post. I completely relate. I laughed about how you were irritated at your husband's good mood. I do that. You're frank and endearing as always. Thanks!

Heather@Cultivated Lives said...

Thanks for your post. I've been overwhelmed of late with the piles of dishes, laundry, food allergies to get used to and expectations not met. I've allowed my mind to dwell on those more than the giver and sustainer of life. I'm so thankful for gentle pushes back to Him. Thanks for sharing how God drew you back and gave perspective. Tomorrow is a new day full of His fresh mercies!!!

(on and the block link:

Camille said...

You are a precious friend Heather! Hang in there!! I'm sorry things were going so poorly for you that day...may the LORD indeed continue to be your solace and strength.

Much Love to you!
Camille xo